Relationship issues/Sexual frustration

[LovingRadiance]

Here's a question for everyone.

Details:
You have relationship issues (poly-dynamic).
You're not interested in a FB.
You're a very sexual creature, very high sex-drive.
You don't mind masturbating-but it doesn't alleviate the physical or mental sense of "NEEDING" sex.

How do you get your sexual needs met in a healthy way?

(not leaving S.O. who you are allienated from feeling like your FB, not getting a FB, continuing to work on your issues w/o letting the sex take up all of your time)

[NeonKaos]

Gee i dunno, sugar-pie. Sounds like you're "screwed" and not in the way you'd want to be.

[LovingRadiance]

Not a me issue.

[NeonKaos]

ok, well whoever, then.

[Erosa]

Isn't part of the point of poly to be able to bring more people into your life to meet all needs In a safe loving way?

Maybe a new sexual partner needs to be courted. Not sure I understand enough to offer any ideas though.

[GroundedSpirit]

Well - I suggest you/they GET interested in a FB !
Or several if necessary.

This is the typical catch 22. You want and need something but put all kinds of restrictions around it so it can never realistically be achieved.

Only humans do stupid shit like this lol :)

GS

[NeonKaos]

Only humans do stupid shit like this lol :)

GS

Srsly. And we must be the only species that thinks the world will implode if one of us doesn't get laid enough.

If you wanna fuck, just go fuck. Yeash.

[Magdlyn]

Is this about Maca, or you? Because you've got GG right there... I don't understand why he's off limits, quite. He's a trusted friend and the bio father of one of your kids!

[Ariakas]

Sorry what's an Fb? :)

[Magdlyn]

fuck buddy

[Ariakas]

fuck buddy

Thanks

Is the assumption here that the other person doesn't have the same level sex drive?

If so, and it's a poly dynamic, why not find someone who may fulfill that need, while also fulfilling the poly requirement. Is there something stopping that type of search.

[LovingRadiance]

Not me.
This person has a high sex drive, is pretty serious about not having sex unless in a relationship (at least in theory).
But, doesn't have the opportunity due to living situation to see either of their lovers daily at a time and place conducive to sex. 3-4 times a week, yes. But not daily and it "wears thin".

[Magdlyn]

Oh, so this mysterious person does get to have sex 3 or 4 times a week? That's pretty damn good. Personally, I'd love to have sex every day, and only get to have it about 3-4 times a week. My only suggestion, from personal experience, is, make those 3 or 4 times with a partner(s) as good as possible, and get better at masturbation.

I think fuck buddies count as a relationship, myself. 2 people relating to each other, even if it's mostly sexual.... still a relationship.

Maybe find a nice cybersex partner as well... it can be a bit more fun than just doing it alone.

[NeonKaos]

Maybe find a nice cybersex partner as well... it can be a bit more fun than just doing it alone.

Or get a custom blow-up doll and a tape recorder. Throw some technological nostalgia in there for good measure. Maybe "they" could turn that into some kind of fetish and get a two-for.


Good morning Sunday!

[GroundedSpirit]

Not me.
This person has a high sex drive, is pretty serious about not having sex unless in a relationship (at least in theory).
But, doesn't have the opportunity due to living situation to see either of their lovers daily at a time and place conducive to sex. 3-4 times a week, yes. But not daily and it "wears thin".

Well, more info changes the context here.
2-4 times a week is pretty good for most people with anything else going on in their lives. Seems masturbation should be able to fill in the gaps there for a majority of people. If that's really that unsatisfying I think they need to work on connecting a bit more to reality. We can't always get what we want ALL the time. That's just how life is. To fight that and allow it to become a real problem in our life that's worth talking about says something about the person's emotional state/capability. Giving in to it would feed the part of our brain that makes us prone to addictions etc and that can be a bigger long term problem. Learning to deal with life's little disappointments is a big part of healthy mental balance.

Maybe..........

gs

[NeonKaos]

We can't always get what we want ALL the time. That's just how life is. To fight that and allow it to become a real problem in our life that's worth talking about says something about the person's emotional state/capability. Giving in to it would feed the part of our brain that makes us prone to addictions etc and that can be a bigger long term problem. Learning to deal with life's little disappointments is a big part of healthy mental balance.

Maybe..........

gs

To that end, I would suggest volunteering at a hospice or a homeless shelter in order to gain some perspective. If that doesn't work, SSRI's have been known to generate results, as has cognitive-behavioural therapy.

[nycindie]

3-4 times a week, yes. But not daily and it "wears thin".
And they're complaining?? LOL.

[TheBlackSwede]

This person is feeling alienated from their SO, and really only has enjoyable sex when the other person/people are involved? That doesn't sound like a healthy foundation for a sustainable poly dynamic.

[LovingRadiance]

Giving in to it would feed the part of our brain that makes us prone to addictions etc and that can be a bigger long term problem. Learning to deal with life's little disappointments is a big part of healthy mental balance.


That was my thought. But, my thoughts are not tinged kindly right now, thus I asked all of you instead. Thanks everyone.

[LovingRadiance]

This person is feeling alienated from their SO, and really only has enjoyable sex when the other person/people are involved? That doesn't sound like a healthy foundation for a sustainable poly dynamic.

yes and no. This person alienates themself from their partner.
But this issue is that due to location of where they live, they can now only see their SO overnight a 2-4 times a week and their other partner once every couple a weeks. Used to being able to have sex any day of any week. But, in light of their new living arrangement, only 3-4 times a week.

Shrug.

I just wanted to gain perspective from some people on the outside, so I could filter my response more appropriately.
;)

[TheBlackSwede]

yes and no. This person alienates themself from their partner.
But this issue is that due to location of where they live, they can now only see their SO overnight a 2-4 times a week and their other partner once every couple a weeks. Used to being able to have sex any day of any week. But, in light of their new living arrangement, only 3-4 times a week.

Shrug.

I just wanted to gain perspective from some people on the outside, so I could filter my response more appropriately.
;)

Oh, when you put it that way... alter the living situation, or be patient and masturbate more. Lots of porn out there. :p

[Magdlyn]

This person is feeling alienated from their SO, and really only has enjoyable sex when the other person/people are involved? That doesn't sound like a healthy foundation for a sustainable poly dynamic.

Wait, what? Where did you get that from? Sheesh. They can't have fulfilling sex unless it's with 2 people at once? Talk about spoiled.

[nycindie]

This is what they call a "high-class problem." Sheesh is right, LOL.

[TheBlackSwede]

Wait, what? Where did you get that from? Sheesh. They can't have fulfilling sex unless it's with 2 people at once? Talk about spoiled.

LOL - I meant, with someone other than the SO... not necessarily the SO and someone else together.

[transitapparent]

3-4 times a week, yes. But not daily and it "wears thin".

it could always be worse. I'm on deployment and haven't had sex in 2 months and It'll be 2 more months til I get home. there's alot of porn out there but sometimes masturbation just doesn't cut it.

[Derbylicious]

Sorry what's an Fb? :)

I read facebook when I first read it and I was wondering what facebook had to do with getting laid. I'm glad you asked first.

As for the question, quite honestly it sounds a little like whining. 3-4 times a week of having sex is really not too bad at all. If this person wants it every day then they can look at changing their living situation to make sex with the partners more accessible or look into adding someone else into the mix, either in terms of another relationship or changing standards to including fuck buddies into the equation.

[MonoVCPHG]

As for the question, quite honestly it sounds a little like whining..

3-4 times is pretty damn good for most of the full time working, parenting folks I know. In fact I'd say that it is above average.

[SNeacail]

3-4 times is pretty damn good for most of the full time working, parenting folks I know. In fact I'd say that it is above average.

Seriously, I would kill for that much! Then again it's only the two of us right now, both of us are over 40, 2 kids and have massive amounts of outside activities that just suck energy (he also needs way more sleep than I do :p).

[TheBlackSwede]

Man, now you guys are making me feel spoiled... :cool:

[maca]

OK OK OK...

I figure everyone knows by now that I like sex. Im good at sex and I like to bring my partners ( and Ill admitt, myself) lots of joy in bed. As for how many times a week I get it...

LR comes and stays at my house Friday nights. We make love that evening and somtimes again in the morning Saturday. I take the kids Saturday nights and LR goes back home to GG. On occasions LR will come over mid week but its rare.
As for FB's, LR brought up not being ok with them during our " Boundry making" I agreed that we would leave FB's out. As for FWB, LR wanted there to be a time frame of "friendship" before having sexually contact. 6 months to be exact. At the time I agreed to that. So finding a partner to fill my sexual drive needs, is not an easy just go out and "fuck" sort of thing.

As for changing my living arrangments.... If I could manage to find a way to be happy and live in the same house as LR and GG, I would do it. But I would do it for different reasons than to get laid more often.

I didnt check to see when this post started but it was only a few days ago that I mentioned to LR that I was struggling with the facts that I dont get enough physical intimacy to satisfiy my needs. That I was trying to not break our boundry rules and that I was " taking matters into my own hands":o but that just wasnt cutting it. So as far as whining goes...um yeah ..no. I wasnt whining, I was opening up and being honest about somthing that Im a little bit embarassed about ( thats probably why LR didnt mention, outright , that it was me). So much for honesty and openness.:rolleyes:

As for the guy ( sorry I didnt catch your name) that is deployed. I understand your position. I live in Alaska and work as an Electrician forman. I get sent out of town, to remote villages( I mean really F'ing remote) and do anywhere from 2 week hitches to 10 week hitches. I do know what its like to go without the touch of a woman for extended periods of time, and it sucks. I dealt with it then, just like Ill deal with it now. So I feel your pain. I also wanted to add thanks, Thanks for your service. I really do appreciate what you are doing for us back home.


Maca

[nycindie]

As for FB's, LR brought up not being ok with them during our " Boundry making" I agreed that we would leave FB's out. As for FWB, LR wanted there to be a time frame of "friendship" before having sexually contact. 6 months to be exact. At the time I agreed to that. So finding a partner to fill my sexual drive needs, is not an easy just go out and "fuck" sort of thing.

As for changing my living arrangments.... If I could manage to find a way to be happy and live in the same house as LR and GG, I would do it. But I would do it for different reasons than to get laid more often.

I didnt check to see when this post started but it was only a few days ago that I mentioned to LR that I was struggling with the facts that I dont get enough physical intimacy to satisfiy my needs. That I was trying to not break our boundry rules and that I was " taking matters into my own hands":o but that just wasnt cutting it. So as far as whining goes...um yeah ..no. I wasnt whining, I was opening up and being honest about somthing that Im a little bit embarassed about ( thats probably why LR didnt mention, outright , that it was me). So much for honesty and openness.:rolleyes:

Ahh, Maca, now this is totally different !! It wasn't clear that the previously unnamed person (er, you) was struggling because of agreed-to boundaries that weren't working anymore. That puts a whole new spin on it, whereas before it just seemed like someone who just wanted more and was having a fit. Sounds like, if you two do stay together, you need to renegotiate boundaries... or everything.

[transitapparent]

As for the guy ( sorry I didnt catch your name) that is deployed. I understand your position. I live in Alaska and work as an Electrician forman. I get sent out of town, to remote villages( I mean really F'ing remote) and do anywhere from 2 week hitches to 10 week hitches. I do know what its like to go without the touch of a woman for extended periods of time, and it sucks. I dealt with it then, just like Ill deal with it now. So I feel your pain. I also wanted to add thanks, Thanks for your service. I really do appreciate what you are doing for us back home.


Maca

lucky for me, this one is only a 4 month det. normally they are 6 months plus. I also deal with it, just like I have every other time but I'm really hoping for at least 3 to 4 times a week when I get back. thanks for the support.

[NeonKaos]

From now on Maca should ask questions about Maca and then maybe there wouldn't be this ridiculous kind of miscommunication. This thread is a travesty on a forum where people are always advising each other on ways to communicate more effectively.