Your most recent OKC messages. post em here! [Archive]

clairegoad

06-06-2011, 10:44 AM

The one word post has already been covered. (Recently I got a message that said "Nice." That's it... No idea if he's commenting on my personality, boobs or grammar.

The one I almost responded to: "We have a lot in common and I wanted to say "hi"! I would love to chat sometime."

The prize for most verbose, and wrong target audience goes to: "Goodmorning..
How are you doing..l must confess,your profile has really captured my attention and i will love to share in the joy of your smile,in fact i want to get to know you if you don't mind.Wow, I like your striking smile, could surely make an angel with broken wings go an extra mile. I miss being in love and after staying away from the love scene for long time due to reasons I will tell you later on as we get to know more about each other, I have finally decided to give love one last shot. You might be wondering why I am writing to you with distance between us. I am looking for my soul mate and I will look everywhere in the world for her. You have got the spark and smile and that's the first thing I look for. I will be glad if we get to know each other and become friends.You never know we could become the next success story on here as good couples.If you like,you can reach me by messenger or email. Please let me know if you wanted to talk and I will share my info with you..
"

Paragraphs are your friends... I hope he cuts and pastes this... it sounds sincere, and would have worked 2 years ago on me... I just don't believe in "the one" anymore.

TL4everu2

06-06-2011, 12:50 PM

Wow Clairgoad....I'm a GUY, and I almost want to respond to that message! Hell, if a woman sent that to me....I would DEFINATLY respond to it! LOL But then...I'm a guy. ;)

One word responses, yes...I understand those and my wife gets them form time to time. She even got one a couple days ago and the guy was commenting on her FEET, and how he wanted to worship her feet and kiss them. Yeahhhh....Ummm...No. More power to those people who are in to that sort of thing, but....really? On the first e-mail?

Minxxa

06-06-2011, 02:10 PM

Too bad I've deleted most of mine. :)

However, the two that I remember were:

"You are very attractive. I would like to have the sex with you."

And:

"How many times have you cheated on your husband?"

I'm assuming the second guy thought I was cheating because I am listed as married.

I do not have a good response as of yet for those whom I am not feeling a connection with. How do you say "I read your profile and nothing stood out to me" without being mean?? There has to be a nice way of saying not interested, but I haven't found it yet.

nycindie

06-06-2011, 02:23 PM

I do not have a good response as of yet for those whom I am not feeling a connection with. How do you say "I read your profile and nothing stood out to me" without being mean?? There has to be a nice way of saying not interested, but I haven't found it yet.

You're not obligated to respond at all, but you can ask questions if their profile isn't giving you enough info. Or, if you feel you must just say no, you can just say, "Thanks for your interest. I've read your profile and don't have a sense that we're right for each other at this point. I wish you well in your search." Nothing mean about the truth when simply stated.

Then block them to prevent pestering you after that.

Minxxa

06-06-2011, 03:45 PM

I like that one, I'm stealing it! :)

the other really odd thing is when I'm on (normally just to check messages really quick once or twice a week), and somebody hops on and tries to chat with you. I guess that's normal, but I don't like it. Send me a message, let me check out the profile, If I'm interested we'll see. But I don't like "chatting" online with anybody I don't already know in real life. It's not a good way to meet people and to me it's like somebody coming to your house instead of calling first. I'm not a big fan of that either...

I am assuming there are a lot of people out there that enjoy passing their hours chatting with mysterious strangers. I am not one of those people.

nycindie

06-06-2011, 04:59 PM

. . . somebody hops on and tries to chat with you. I guess that's normal, but I don't like it. Send me a message, let me check out the profile, If I'm interested we'll see. But I don't like "chatting" online with anybody I don't already know in real life. It's not a good way to meet people and to me it's like somebody coming to your house instead of calling first. I'm not a big fan of that either...
Go into your settings and turn Chat off. Simple!

Magdlyn

06-06-2011, 07:17 PM

just3

06-19-2011, 02:59 PM

HAHA got up this morning to this one

Hmmm. So your husband likes to watch. Have you guys acted out this fantasy before? It doesn't get weird?

Chris

Jericka

06-19-2011, 11:33 PM

I got a message today from a 19 year old....*boggle*

I'm 42. There's not much on his profile to indicate any common interests. I really don't think I can do that kind of an age gap. Really. No.

The second message I got?
--------------
"I'm looking for some like-minded friends without playing games. You seem like a straightforward and interesting person. I'm not looking for a serious relationship but some that can have an oral discourse on more than one subject. I'm also a very creative person that has the flexibility to apply it to whatever I do. I have no interest in clothes or faction so women are very sunrise when I can give them advice on what to wear and such, from a guy and an, OMG, an engineer. I hate it when someone assumes because I am an engineer (architect really) that asthmatically-brain dead.

Well, enough about me. What about you.

Cheers,
"

---------------
My first thought was maybe I should submit it for him to Ihateautocorrect.com(instead of annalsofonlinedating.tumblr...or in addition to!)

I wondered whether he meant "oral discourse" the way it sounded. Personally I think people should be wary of the double entendre stuff. It often doesn't go over the way the writer thinks that it will.

"asthmatically-brain dead" What can I say?

No, I can't say that his message caused even a twinge of interest here.

TL4everu2

06-19-2011, 11:40 PM

OMG! Today, my wife got this message from a guy in Virginia. (We live in Flrodia)

I like to have casual sex a lot too; would you be up for a threesome, you, me and another woman? REALLY?Nothing in her profile says that she is looking for casual sex.

Her response: Where did u get that i am into casual sex? I am looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend not casual sex. Just cause I am in an open relationship doesn't mean I need more as far as sex goes. I personally wouldn't have even given him more than the block button. But my wife is nicer and prettier than me. LOL

transitapparent

06-20-2011, 01:32 AM

transitapparent

06-20-2011, 01:46 AM

OMG! Today, my wife got this message from a guy in Virginia. (We live in Florida)

I live in Va. but it definitely wasn't me. If anyone is more than 50 miles from me, I normally don't send a message unless they sound really really really interesting. I don't wanna drive that far lol.

TL4everu2

06-20-2011, 02:55 AM

I got one that said "you seem fun" not really sure what that meant. we sent emails back and forth for a couple days but when she found out I was married (it says it n my profile, shouldn't have been a surprise) she spazzed and that was that. eh well.This happens to me almost every time I get on that acts intertsted.....Either online....or in real life. :( As soon as they find out I'm married, they bail. Fuck em. If they can't handle it, tough I guess. They miss out on a decent guy who will do ANYTHING to make sure the women he loves, get what they need in their lives. :cool:

idealist

06-20-2011, 03:34 AM

The prize for most verbose, and wrong target audience goes to: "Goodmorning..
How are you doing..l must confess,your profile has really captured my attention and i will love to share in the joy of your smile,in fact i want to get to know you if you don't mind.Wow, I like your striking smile, could surely make an angel with broken wings go an extra mile. I miss being in love and after staying away from the love scene for long time due to reasons I will tell you later on as we get to know more about each other, I have finally decided to give love one last shot. You might be wondering why I am writing to you with distance between us. I am looking for my soul mate and I will look everywhere in the world for her. You have got the spark and smile and that's the first thing I look for. I will be glad if we get to know each other and become friends.You never know we could become the next success story on here as good couples.If you like,you can reach me by messenger or email. Please let me know if you wanted to talk and I will share my info with you.. .

I recognize this grammer and sticky sweet "too good to be true" bullshit. This is a scam artist. If you would follow up with him, you would find out that his wife died and he has a child which is ill and they are traveling away from home. After about 4 messages back and forth, he will ask you to send money. trust me......delete this loser.

nycindie

06-22-2011, 07:08 PM

Today's message at OKC from an old geezer in Indianapolis (I'm in NYC):
You are BREATHTAKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! Well, I'll give him points for enthusiasm.

Last week's messages at OKC...
This one from someone apparently losing his hair:
Hey how is everything? would you give me some of your hair when I will get trans plant? because I lose my hair day by day :) lol ok ok do not worry, you do not have to give me hair but I would love to meet you for a drink with nice conversation face to face :) with watching stars on the sky

Horseless Prince Serkan ;)
This from a guy responding to the caption under one of my pics where I say I love the satin shoes I'm wearing in it:
Hello , I wasn't looking at the shoes mmmmmmm
Tony
From another guy responding to the same picture:
Satin shoes? The demarcation from fishnet to skin is the real eye grabbing focus... For me that is.

Those were their entire messages to me. Nothing else. No attempt at conversation.

RfromRMC

06-23-2011, 05:27 PM

^ OK the hair one is a bit creepy! :eek:

Magdlyn

06-23-2011, 06:07 PM

OMG lol
Hey how is everything? would you give me some of your hair when I will get trans plant? because I lose my hair day by day lol ok ok do not worry, you do not have to give me hair but I would love to meet you for a drink with nice conversation face to face with watching stars on the sky

Horseless Prince Serkan

That has got to be the winner right there. He better get a horse and ride on back into the desert.

nycindie

06-23-2011, 06:19 PM

Hahahaha, yeah, no one's gonna run to make a date with that one!

nycindie

11-14-2011, 02:56 AM

I just logged in to OKC for the first time since about Thursday, three days ago. On Thursday, I received a message from a guy who claims to be poly although his profile doesn't mention it at all; he is listed as Married. I didn't feel that day like I had the energy to answer right away. I don't know if I'm interested or not, but I figured I'd check his profile again next time I log in and see if I wanna respond. If I do feel like I'm interested, I'd want to let him know that it's not just enough to say he's poly; I'd want to ask for some sort of proof.

I then forgot all about him and OKC all weekend. I was busy and then enjoyed Lively's company on Fri. & Sat. It's only been three days, no biggie.

Anyway, as soon as I logged in tonight, the little pop-up window told me he was visiting my profile, and then I get this message telling me that he sees I've visited the site since his last message and would appreciate me telling him whether I'm interested or not. He worded it with lots of attitude. Sheesh, it's only been three fucking days. Nervy.

vanille

11-14-2011, 06:07 AM

"You have beautiful skin."

That was it.

opalescent

11-14-2011, 01:37 PM

From POF:

Guy: r u bi?

Me: Yes. (I broke my own rule of not answering short messages but I was curious how he would respond.)

Guy: let's u n i hook up!!!!!!!!!

Me: [blocks Guy]

People are funny.

marksbabygirl

11-14-2011, 09:54 PM

I recently recieved a message that said:

:)

That's it. Just a smiley face.

I sent one back :p

aronf13

12-02-2011, 07:59 PM

I had a conversation with somebody i met on there who I really connect with and we were having a conversation about monogomy vs polyamory...I think there was an undertone that i was trying to convince her to be poly and she was resisting loll. It's actually kind of a bummer because I really like her and we connect on really deep levels :(

(6:21:28 am)aronf131:space is super important for boundaries
(6:21:36 am)aronf131:finding the right level of time you want to spend with eachother
(6:21:40 am)aronf131:and compromising that
(6:22:10 am)aronf131:sometimes one person wants to spend more time than the other person
(6:22:25 am)to_jenn:yeah there needs to be a balance
(6:22:28 am)aronf131:but understanding it doesn't necessarily mean that means one person loves you more or less
(6:23:10 am)to_jenn:i don't know i guess i'm just idealistic and want these things to be mutual
(6:23:27 am)to_jenn:i feel like there will always be tension if one person wants more than the other can give
(6:23:33 am)aronf131:thats why i'm poly, if one relationship can't fulfill all my needs getting malcontent is inevitable, if one person doesn't wanna spend as much time with me or i don't wanna spend as much time with them that's okay, we still connect with what we have
(6:24:11 am)aronf131:i have an opposite understanding haha
(6:24:50 am)aronf131:it's harder to balance perhaps, but so is monogomy just in different ways, all depends on what your core beliefs are i think
(6:25:28 am)to_jenn:yeah i think so
(6:25:50 am)aronf131:it's so hard to achieve mutuality don't you think though?
(6:26:03 am)to_jenn:yes for sure
(6:26:03 am)aronf131:like have you had it in any of your past relationships?
(6:26:08 am)aronf131:i've never had that
(6:26:10 am)aronf131:maybe moments
(6:26:12 am)aronf131:but fleeting
(6:26:19 am)aronf131:love is fleeting :(
(6:26:28 am)to_jenn:what kind of mutuality?
(6:26:36 am)to_jenn:like feeling love for the person?
(6:26:49 am)to_jenn:yes definitely
(6:26:53 am)aronf131:and you can't try to fit it in boxes that it's meant to, but everyone always wants to
(6:27:12 am)aronf131:i mean whatever you meant - wanting eachother equally
(6:27:33 am)aronf131:boxes it's not meant to*
(6:27:33 am)to_jenn:yeah i think i've had that
(6:27:51 am)to_jenn:the mutual desire
(6:27:59 am)aronf131:that's wonderful
(6:28:04 am)to_jenn:of course there were external circumstances that prevented us from seeing each other as often as that
(6:28:10 am)to_jenn:but yeah
(6:29:01 am)aronf131:sometimes i feel like i can be so many different things, and i'm always different people depending on who i'm with
(6:29:37 am)to_jenn:i feel that way too
(6:29:40 am)to_jenn:always adapting
(6:30:08 am)aronf131:but it's sooooo useful for navigating
(6:30:23 am)aronf131:that's good, being adaptable is soo important
(6:31:08 am)aronf131:or just growing up, learning to accept wherever your experiences lead you, letting go of atttachment and fear
(6:31:27 am)aronf131:but so many sides need expression, and on deep levels, not on the level i could achieve with friendship
(6:32:14 am)aronf131:my ideal is living with a group of lovers haha
(6:32:25 am)to_jenn:ah wow
(6:32:28 am)to_jenn:that would be interesting
(6:32:50 am)aronf131:commune where we're all open and honest and communicative and different needs being met by everyone so that we can express all sides of ourselves
(6:33:16 am)to_jenn:that sounds pretty amazing though
(6:33:21 am)aronf131:I KNOW haha
(6:33:51 am)aronf131:and like growing our own food living in nature haha
(6:34:03 am)aronf131:making music all day and art \o/
(6:36:58 am)aronf131:always pushing your limits always learning more about yourself
(6:37:02 am)aronf131:infinite growth
(6:37:06 am)aronf131:ahhh so amazing
(6:37:18 am)aronf131:to never stop developing always new situations
(6:37:39 am)aronf131:i don't blame you it maybe sounds a little intesne
(6:37:43 am)to_jenn:i don't know, i can't say it even appeals to me
(6:38:51 am)to_jenn:i don't know if it's just a set of conditioned beliefs and fears or these things are genuinely just not for me
(6:39:03 am)to_jenn:i lean towards the latter
(6:39:32 am)to_jenn:because i don't have like any negative reaction towards it
(6:39:39 am)to_jenn:i just feel indifferent
(6:39:54 am)aronf131:negative reactions is a sign of fear for sure
(6:40:02 am)to_jenn:yeah
(6:40:20 am)aronf131:i never had fear against it though
(6:40:38 am)aronf131:i just had so many difficulties with relatoinships and i always feared i always would
(6:41:50 am)to_jenn:yeah i've been there
(6:41:51 am)aronf131:it was the answer for me
(6:42:03 am)to_jenn:that's great
(6:43:57 am)to_jenn:i think i've always been a hopeless romantic type
(6:44:26 am)to_jenn:and i don't feel like giving that up yet
(6:44:45 am)aronf131:wordd
(6:44:54 am)aronf131:i hope you find what you're looking for!

*(walks away sad)* :(

Somegeezer

12-03-2011, 03:40 PM

Aronf, don't be sad about it. You've obviously been having a lovely chat with this person. Perhaps a great friendship could bloom out of it? No need to give up ia conversation with someone you get on with, just because you may not become lovers. That's a silly idea.

nllswing

12-03-2011, 03:57 PM

nycindie

12-05-2011, 03:11 AM

Hey Aronf13, was that the actual username of the person you were chatting with on OKC? If so, did you get permission from them to share the chat transcript and reveal their OKC username here? All of us here who have shared actual messages have been careful not to reveal who sent them. Everything posted in this forum comes up in Google searches, so let's all be careful.

SourGirl

12-05-2011, 05:56 PM

Below is a message I recently sent:

Gosh, we are so, so different!

You have an interesting profile, which is not surprising provided that you are an artist. Too bad that guys who are on the science side can't make such interesting photos. In any case, I have been told that I have intelligence and sense of humor; not sure about the hotness part though.
Here I am looking for new friends. Among other things, I can entertain friends on things like science, law, languages (I know a few), foreign literature unheard of, and pretty much anything you throw at me.

If you are interested in making friends, let me know :)

P.S.
You have an interesting nickname. While I have spent a bunch of years on things that sound like "chemistry" I had to look it up. The fist thing that came in mind when I saw it was "Saracen."

The answer I got is below:

Since you offered perspective to me on a different thread,( and seem to be trying to figure out how to approach women,..) I`ll offer you some perspective here.

Your reach out,..is one that would bore me, if I was the woman. Why ? It tries too hard to find common ground. I am a 'happenstance' type of person. Common ground just has to be there, like a light-bulb going off, and conversation flows easily.
It can`t be led, or forced. I can`t speak for other women, but I detest, someone trying to lead me into conversations, and then direct them.
When someone does that, I immediately know they they are ready to gear themselves towards what might appeal to me, rather then letting nature dictate likenesses.
Any communication is then built on this faux-platform of catering to what the other wants to hear.

I am not picky either. I don`t expect people to blow me away with their credentials, nor be awesome with grammar. I don`t ignore people based on being bored. I would respond to that message, but I most likely would say;

' Hey thanks for taking the time to reach out. I don`t really see any true common ground between us, but I wish you well on your search.'

I`ve not had anyone tell me to go fuck myself, after having said that, but have had people try and push the issue, saying I didnt give them a chance. I`ve said my peace at that point, and don`t get into a debate.

'True' common ground happens (in my mind) when you read a profile and they might mention a very particular restaurant, book, concert etc, that you liked, enjoyed, or saw. Maybe they have a expression that you use also. Whatever.
That 'light-bulb' happens, and you can't help but share.
It does not mean you have 'high match percentages' nor even a whole lot of similiarities.
It is merely a starting point that will either grow, or die-off of its own accord.

Disclaimer : I may be a chick of a different feather, ftr. I tend to do the approaching, rather then wait to be approached.

nllswing

12-05-2011, 11:25 PM

SourGirl.

Thank you for the suggestions and for the advice. There is nothing I disagree with. What you say makes sense, including the disclaimer.

With the message we are discussing, though, the situation was slightly different. Her profile offered nothing I cold pick as a specific common ground, unless we were to make the link too attenuated. For this reason, what I wrote to her was an attempt to invite her to find something in me that would be of interest to her. People are not interested in "similarities' only. It did not work.

To others, whose profiles offered specific information in which I could sink my teeth in, I wrote different messages with the same success.

Thant being said, I was a bit imprecise in my messages in the sense that one woman did answer, two weeks after I wrote to her, and we have been exchanging mail once every few days. She is openly poly, but I don't feel sexually attracted to her. She is an interesting person, though, and I hope me make friends. My original message to was similar to those sent to others.

PipeDreamer

12-06-2011, 10:21 PM

I am listed as straight and looking for women on OKC. I got an unsolicited message from an uber right-wing conservative Christian anti-gay marriage man who lives 9 time zones away (probably found me through my wife's profile). His message to me said this:

"Grow up into a mature man"

I responded asking what caused him to send me a message. Maybe I can get some interesting and constructive conversation out of this. I can't say I am going to hold my breath, though.

nllswing

12-07-2011, 12:51 AM

I just got a reply! Yeah! Below is what I wrote, followed by the answer.

Hi [Redacted],

Since I keep checking your profile every once in a while, maybe I should just send you a note. Your face reminds me about something but I am not sure what.

I recently moved to the city and I'm still in the "kid in a candy store" stage. While work is getting in the way, I love exploring and keep trying to reserve time for it. In 2008 I spend a summer here as well, and was fascinated by the antique shops around 25th with the storekeepers complaining that eBay ate their lunch. Time flies.

What events in NYC you have in mind when you talk about dancing? I enjoy dancing too.

[Nllswing]

She answered a day later:

Hi please don't take offense. I have decided to tell you that we are not a match. No need to contact or view me anymore. don't take it personally.

-------------

nycindie

12-07-2011, 01:08 AM

Hi [Redacted],

Since I keep checking your profile every once in a while, maybe I should just send you a note. Your face reminds me about something but I am not sure what.

I recently moved to the city and I'm still in the "kid in a candy store" stage. While work is getting in the way, I love exploring and keep trying to reserve time for it. In 2008 I spend a summer here as well, and was fascinated by the antique shops around 25th with the storekeepers complaining that eBay ate their lunch. Time flies.

What events in NYC you have in mind when you talk about dancing? I enjoy dancing too.

[Nllswing]

Your face reminds me of something, but I don't know what??? I would rather my face remind you of someone, not something that you can't figure out. No one likes being compared to inanimate objects, unless they are beautiful works of art.

To be honest, for me, that message comes off as a bit of a form letter, up until you ask about dancing. It would not draw me to you at all, sorry to say. That middle paragraph, kind of impersonal.

nllswing

12-07-2011, 01:15 AM

I agree with the face comment, I did not think about this when I wrote it (too late now).

I put the middle paragraph because she wrote in her profile that she likes to shop for antiques in Manhattan. Does this change anything? If not, I need a letter-writing trainer.

nycindie

12-07-2011, 01:40 AM

I just received a message on OKC which totally charmed me. Unfortunately, he lives too far away from me. But everything about his message and profile makes me wish that were not the case. Indeed, he's a 90% match.

What did I find charming about his message? Hmm...

First paragraph: He started off with a reference to something I joke about in my profile, by making cute & funny comments about it. He then tells me he is in an "ethical polyamorous relationship" and would be happy to introduce me to one of his partners, who is also on OKC. This is a second reference to my profile, where I say that I am not interested in married men who are not in ethical poly relationships (I was getting propositioned by lots of cheaters for a while). He's unmarried but it's obvious that his statement was a response to what I'd put out there, and so I know he read my profile, or at least the section down at the bottom.

Next paragraph: He tells me I am "clearly a beautiful woman" and that he loves my hair. Then he says he just reminded himself of an old song by saying that -- and he added a line of lyrics. That was sweet! He then tells me that my shape "works for him" and remarks how he doesn't understand the notion that for a woman to be beautiful, she must "resemble a stick figure." This whole paragraph also references items I talk about in my profile - my hair and my curves. And it was all expressed directly but very respectfully.

Last paragraph: He says that the "real reason" he wrote me is because he likes my "turn of mind." He states that the quotes I have in my profile "resonate" with him, "especially the poem." He then tells me that I am "obviously very bright" and sees me as "capable of engaging the world" on my terms. Because of this, he says, he thinks we can be good friends.

His closing talks about us being "geographically challenged," but that he hopes I would like to be a penpal.

The message made references to my profile or pictures all the way through, and so it felt personal. He referred to me as a woman, not a girl. As a man in his early 60s, he came across as breezy, confident, and playful. Even though he gave me compliments on my appearance, those comments weren't cheesy and didn't seem calculated at all. He made it clear that he was mostly moved by my intelligence, which he thought was evident in some of the things I wrote in my profile. His writing flowed naturally, like a conversation. Charming, charming, charming.

Somegeezer

12-07-2011, 04:49 AM

Sounds like a fairly nice fellow, Indie. =] I try to avoid comments on appearance in general when I send messages. Even if this woman is stunning, I just wouldn't know how to put it in a way that didn't sounds like cheese. =P So I stay away from making comments like that in my first message.

I seem to get a lot of response from commenting on things within the profile though. Say they mention a band I like, and I can comment how I once saw them, or that they play an intrument or computer games, to which I can ask a question, such as "how long have you been playing? What was your first instrument/computer game?"

In the past few days I've been talking to someone whose whole family is in a third generation of computer nerds. =]

Even better responses if I manage to make some kind of witty joke on something within the profile. But just like the appearance comments, if you aren't good at making a joke, you could easily offend a lot of people by laughing at their profiles. >.< The best way I find is to joke about something they have already joked about themselves.

There was one who had a comment in the "anything personal you will admit" or whatever that section is called. It said "I am NOT Batman... Actually I am, but had you fooled right?", to which I added in the message something like "You really had me thinking you weren't Batman then. I'm such a fool! =[". It managed to get a few messages back so far. =]

nycindie

12-07-2011, 05:24 AM

Sounds like a fairly nice fellow, Indie. =] I try to avoid comments on appearance in general when I send messages. Even if this woman is stunning, I just wouldn't know how to put it in a way that didn't sounds like cheese. =P So I stay away from making comments like that in my first message.

Yeah, I have gotten those cheesy ones, too. "Hi, you're really hot." Ugh. This man said, in a very gentlemanly way, "You are clearly a beautiful woman and I find your hair striking." Basically, he said it because he was responding to my profile. Not that I ask people if I'm beautiful (gawd!), but in the section for The First Thing People Notice About Me, I talk about my silver hair, and how I turned gray in my 20s, stopped dying it brown a few years ago, and never expected such a positive response.

So, in the very least, his words showed me he was paying attention. There have been guys who tried that and failed miserably because they did sound cheesy, phony, and calculating, not genuine. I'm not sure how I can explain what was so different and charming about this one. I think showing me that he didn't just skim through my profile, but actually read it and something clicked, must have something to do with it.

Aisling

12-17-2011, 02:05 AM

Just got this one -

"Could you suddenly get 10 to 15 years older ?

Damn.

Your advert described my ideal woman.

Go well."

Made me smile

Magdlyn

12-17-2011, 03:10 AM

That's ageist tho, unless you're like, 16 or something.

Somegeezer

12-17-2011, 05:54 AM

Seems they are certainly missing out on an opportunity, if they really thought only your age was in the way. I agree with Magdlyn about the unless your stupidly young or something. I'm only nearing 20 myself, but wouldn't knock getting to know someone, just because they were 35, or even older.

hyperskeptic

12-28-2011, 03:47 PM

I've decided to leave OKC . . . again. This is my second go-around with the site, and I think my separation from it may be permanent.

I deleted all content from my profile, and posted a parting thought:

I'm leaving soon, but am leaving my account up for a short while longer.

In the mean time, a parting thought, by way of explanation, from "How To Be a Poet (to remind myself)" by Wendell Berry:

Shun electric wire.
Communicate slowly. Live
a three-dimensional life;
stay away from screens.
Stay away from anything
that obscures the place it is in.

Now, I've been on OKC (this time around) for a few months, and have received no messages at all . . . until I posted that I was leaving. Then within minutes I receive this, from a woman whose profile indicates she has recently married:

Congratulations! Maybe now would be a good time to delete your profile and show your wife you are dedicated to her.

I wrote the following reply:

(Had you read my profile before, you'd have seen that my wife knows I'm on here. She is, too. We are committed to one another, but not to the exclusion of other relationships. Yes, it's unconventional, but there it is.)

. . . then blocked her.

Magdlyn

12-28-2011, 04:47 PM

Congratulations! Maybe now would be a good time to delete your profile and show your wife you are dedicated to her.

LOL

I got a good one on Dec 13

Hello there! I never use this site but I could not help but say hello when I saw your profile. You seem very interesting, I have many of the same interests, eclectic music sort of stuff. I love jazz and hip hop myself; my life passion is poetry. I am in [my city] and study literature. I see you are "looking for" individuals of a slightly younger age, 25-40? I fall shy of the range at 23 (well, in February I will be) but perhaps we can spark a conversation if that isn't a dealbreaker? Have a pleasant day!

And so I wrote back. His 2nd msg was even better.

...My interest is piqued due to your photos and the fact that you are interested in younger men. Very piqued.

You say in your profile you are intruiged by the goddess mythologies/religions? They interest me too, though being male perhaps influences my bias toward the warrior mythologies. I feel like most of the theological systems we have now are half-and-half, usually with the paganistic fertiltiy superceded by warrior values, no doubt because the fertility/goddess culture was invaded by the battling/warrior culture. How well they combine them is a key to their interesting-ness, for me. Christianity isn't graceful with it, between the Virgin Mary and the proselytizing Truth that is Jesus. Hinduism is graceful, with Krishna and his consort Radha being the self-concious unity of the two forces, male and female. And of course, the ancient Greeks did it best, embodied in Pallas Athena, herself a virgin warrior.

Anywho I could rap all day about these things, let me cut to the chase. I am interested in sex with you. I fully am attracted to older women. Your posted photos, show a voluptuous body that really excites me sexually. The fact that your hair is gray is hot because it shows you are comfortable with your naturalness, and I love that sort of confidence. Young women rarely, if ever, are ok with themselves like that. In short I am attracted to you and am extremely interested in your sex.

I apologize for the lack of photos; I have some on another computer, I'd be happy to send some to you at a later date. I am not trying to dick you around in that regard (as it were), I am admittedly a tad shy but I am not trying to be deceptive or elusive, at least not privately. So, if my catharsis hasn't frightened you, I hope to hear from you soon. Tell me about yourself, I am quite sick of focusing on me these past paragraphs. How long have you lived in [my city]? I see you're well-traveled, why the hell do you choose to stay here? What are some of your favorite literary and/or theological ideas? & suchlike etcetera. Hope to hear from you soon!

*swoon*

AutumnalTone

12-28-2011, 09:23 PM

I received a message about a week ago that opened with this:

"Poly Pagan & Weird? SIGN ME UP! ...."

She had my attention completely from the outset. I responded and we've traded numerous messages. We have a date sometime next week (the specific time yet to be decided).

marksbabygirl

12-29-2011, 06:05 PM

First message: hi u wanna meet
My response: Hi. You have nothing in your profile... don't know that we have anything in common... I don't meet people I know nothing about..
Next message: aw common we could probably have fun
My response: Yeah, no. Did you read my profile? Cause I think you missed some parts if you did.
Next message: common u know u wanna hav fun
My response: Not interested
Next message: honey come on dont u want to play
My response: NO

Aaaaannnndddd blocked.

He had a blank profile.

I have a profile that clearly states I'm not looking for casual sex or a fuck buddy.

*sigh*

On the other hand I'm communicting with a cute redhead who I may meet in Jan at MVK :p

nycindie

12-29-2011, 10:27 PM

I received a message about a week ago that opened with this:

"Poly Pagan & Weird? SIGN ME UP! ...."

I'm going to use that (citing whatever adjectives apply to the recipient of such cleverness).

RfromRMC

12-30-2011, 10:28 PM

Aaaaannnndddd blocked.

He had a blank profile.

I have a profile that clearly states I'm not looking for casual sex or a fuck buddy.

Hell, even if someone IS looking for casual sex or a fuck buddy, what you describe is a big red flag to stay away! :eek: I don't think I want someone like that even sharing the same sidewalk as me!

Breathesgirl

12-30-2011, 11:48 PM

You folks actually GET responses/replies/interest? I've been there for I don't know how long. I have plenty of people LOOK at my profile but I have had maybe a handful of people actually reply to something in my profile. I do more replying to other people's profiles & getting no response back than I do responding to anything coming into my inbox! *pout*

I get more private messages here regarding the Toronto meet and greet than I do on OKC about anything!

Not complaining, really, just wondering how come so many people (here and other places I frequent) get all these responses (welcome or not) when I get nothing!

vanille

12-31-2011, 06:36 AM

Him: Your profile is like an Abilify commercial, 80% disclaimers. I have a hard time believing you use the site. I've got a notion you are some kind of demographer. I first started using okcupid to write a story about it. But things got weird.

I could never imagine an open marriage. I bet a lot of guys will message you little critiques of your circumstance. You'll find a large number of sexually-repressed Catholics in this city.

And this brings me to god. I don't like to talk about it sometimes and now.

------------

Me: I don't get a lot of messages. I'm guessing that's due to the disclaimers. I keep em up just for that. No one has ever messaged me with a critique. Actually, some have messaged me wanting to learn more about polyamory.

Good thing I'm an Atheist.

-------------

Him: Well the notion of god serves a political function that I believe remains very real, American life's greatest contradiction. Contradiction because LGBT-run network television coexists with yuppie culture (*problematic). There is a Built to Spill line from 'Untrustable,' "god is whoever you're performing for / and god is whoever you perform for." Within this open definintion 'god' is family friends fucks social convention academia your mortgage your bossman. This 'network of gods' serves the same function as a god 'who acts in the world.' And I believe this network is more powerful than any external force could wish to be. So if atheism (to me) means withdrawel from social control, polyamory sensibly and naturally follows. I find some flaws in this last statement. Mostly polyamory just diffuses the influence of fucks...

-----------

Me: I can't say your message is very clear.

-----------

Him: Well I'm trying to say that belief in god or atheism is irrelevant since a god-function (the separate but equal mixture of culture, $, tradition, anti-tradition, and nihilism) is embedded in the fabric of American society. I know it's not clear and I'm not clear. I'll blame it on the inadequacies of language, but I know that's a cheap escape.

I try too hard with textual interface. The above treatise is proof. The term 'textual interface' is proof as well. I get started and I can't stop going into narcissistic digressions.

And why am I trying to talk to you about god??

----------

Me: Haha. I fear the act of trying to be clear prevents you from being clear sometimes if you try too hard. It's not uncommon. Or perhaps most Americans are dumbed down to the point that they can't understand anything with lots of words. I promise I'm not dumb, I just believe that I'm most clear when I speak as simply as possible.

I don't know. I took your first message as saying you don't like to talk about god.

I'm still left unclear as to your stance in polyamory.
---------

Him: It's not that I don't like to talk about god. My primary form of entertainment during my pre-collegiate years was deconstructing the Catholic ideal. I've just been having some issues facing my mortality lately. You know, the whole terrifying nothingness.

I'm not even clear as to my stance on love. My treatise on love is better prepared. It's all about meta-messages, intended messages and unintended messages. Begins with the Samuel Beckett quote, "All love is self-love." So I don't know my stance love.

--------

Me: Death reminds me that this life is but a moment that will some day be forever lost. It's a reminder how precious life is and how much each moment should be treasured. I do not believe in an afterlife. So I live and love as though this is it.

-------

Him: Is death a reminder to live without self-control or self-awareness? Do you believe man is a beast? What seperates you from the ape (don't take offense to this) in your nihilistic experience? Is the goal to live instinctively? Is love an instinct? Why am I asking so many questions?

-------

Me: I am a scientist. I don't think there is anything supernatural or special about being human. I don't think we are any different than the animals except that we drew the longer straw and get to be called "top dog". We destroy everything and rarely leave things better than we found them. In all that, death still reminds me that I am absurdly lucky to be able to experience any of this even if only for a brief instant. Is love an instinct? Well I believe in biology and psychology. So I think there are biological things going on when we are attracted to someone. As for why we call it love and choose to stay with them - well that's psychology and sociology. I don't believe love is some unknowable thing that is bigger than we can ever imagine. To me, it's chemicals and sociological events.

vanille

12-31-2011, 06:38 AM

By the way, I totally understand if that was a 'too long' didn't read moment.

Am I just really dense? I really find his messages bizarre.

Edit: oh one more!

Him: omg

----------

Me: omg

---------

him: you are flippen hot!!!!

nycindie

12-31-2011, 07:07 PM

I do more replying to other people's profiles & getting no response back than I do responding to anything coming into my inbox! *pout*Me too. I get lots of peepers who never answer me, and some real klunkers who send me stupid messages, but once in a while an interesting conversation and some possibility.

NovemberRain

12-31-2011, 07:26 PM

Somegeezer

01-01-2012, 08:35 PM

Vanille, I read the whole thing and found it fascinating. I agree, his message are quite bizarre. Many otherwise intelligent geeks are not great with either written word or communication in general. That feels a little beyond that though. I admire you for continuing ~ I wouldn't have. :D
Ain't that the truth. >.< Put me in front of a computer or musical instrument, I'll do some brilliant things. But make me write or throw me into a social situation, I feel so out of place.

I find it odd that a lot of the females are mentioning that they seem to have to do all the work to find people. I find it to be the opposite for me. In fact, I often come across profiles where their messages are so full, I can't even send one myself. I think the majority of females have an easy time finding people wanting to talk with them. Even if most of them are just terrible. =P

nycindie

01-02-2012, 01:21 AM

I received a message about a week ago that opened with this:

"Poly Pagan & Weird? SIGN ME UP! ...."I'm going to use that (citing whatever adjectives apply to the recipient of such cleverness).

Yay! I just used it! Only I substituted Artsy and Agnostic for Pagan and Weird. Hey, good stuff should be recycled.

nycindie

01-02-2012, 11:28 PM

Yesterday I got this very generic message from someone, not on OKC but at PMM:

"Looks like we would play well while exploring the energies and synergies. Looking forward to the possibilities. [his name & phone number]"

That was it. No mention of anything in my profile. Looks like we'd play well? I assume he is using the word "play" to mean sex. My profile very specifically states I am not looking for casual sex. Explore energies and synergies? Yeeecccchhhh! And then he actually includes his phone number as if I would run right to my phone and call him up! I wrote back: "What does that mean? Is that your standard form letter you send to everyone?" His reply:

"No form. Looked like we had some compatibility. Seeking to find out if there was some interest in seeing if there was real alignment or not. Was there something off putting?"

Man, he is full of cliches, but never indicates that he even read any of my profile, such as why he thinks we'd be compatible, which bugs me to no end. I wrote back why that was indeed off-putting and then I blocked him.

Addendum: The "poly, artsy, and agnostic" guy I mentioned having contacted (in my previous post) wrote back! He thinks my gray hair is sexy and likes curvy plus-sized women! He's not into casual sex and is looking for friendships first. And he's totally hawt, from what his pictures reveal. Hopefully there will be more to tell, eventually...

Magdlyn

01-03-2012, 03:34 PM

Addendum: The "poly, artsy, and agnostic" guy I mentioned having contacted (in my previous post) wrote back! He thinks my gray hair is sexy and likes curvy plus-sized women! He's not into casual sex and is looking for friendships first. And he's totally hawt, from what his pictures reveal. Hopefully there will be more to tell, eventually...

:) Is he in your city?

nycindie

01-03-2012, 03:39 PM

:) Is he in your city?No, not exactly, but he's very close by, and is in the city frequently. I have hopes for this one!

Magdlyn

01-03-2012, 04:00 PM

*fairy dust luck sprinkles*

Magdlyn

01-03-2012, 04:54 PM

Just got this one

hi im 24m looking for an older bi woman to strapon me. i have done this before

No profile, no pic. What a moron.

SchrodingersCat

01-06-2012, 12:34 AM

Hey there Sabariel

I read your profile and found it interesting. I'm hoping to find another four or five women just like yourself to form a family together with. I think from your description of yourself, that would be an environment you would thrive in. I'd like to by you a coffee or soda sometime. When are you usually free for meeting people?

Apparently "polyamorous" actually means I want to belong to a harem...

I replied:

Wow, really?

Ok, first. "My self-summary should be filled in with time." How about you start with that and then start messaging random women who happen to be poly, once we have the vaguest idea who you are, what your interests are (aside from houses full of vagina), and whether you're a real person with real interests and thoughts and feelings, or just some creepy rapist guy.

Second. So you get your own personal harem... What's in it for me? I assume you would expect me to stop dating the other people I'm currently seeing in order to join your household?

Third. Suppose I joined your "family" and then you meet a new woman and you'd like her to join, but when we meet, I absolutely hate her. Do you just drop her? Or do you expect me to suck it up and get over it, and move her in despite the tensions and anxiety that will create in the "family."

Lastly, how do you have any clue what kind of environment I would "thrive" in? Nothing in my profile implied that I'm seeking a poly household or even so much as a roommate, never mind a house full of estrogen and probably babies too. Would you expect me to make babies? I don't particularly like babies, and I'm pretty sure I would be unable to live in a house full of babies and small children. Actually, scratch "pretty sure." I would go absolutely bat-shit crazy living in a house full of babies and small children. Possibly to the extent that the authorities would need to be involved.

SchrodingersCat

01-06-2012, 04:45 PM

His reply:

Haha! "... houses full of vagina..." that was awesome!!!

And the "bat-shit" crazy comment was pure gold too... hey, you pick the girls you want in our "harem" ok. The baby thing is only when you feel the absolute need to reproduce right? No need to force that kind of thing.

And no dropping of girls right... this isn't survivor island where you vote off the most unpopular member of the cast or something. Said another way... don't you think it's sensible to expect some estrogen conflict in a poly lifestyle? I think that's just part of the lifestyle and nothing to be afraid of or worry about. It all works itself out.

I like your questions and you are VERY humorous. Sexy and smart is the way I'm going to describe you right now ... is that something you'll let me do for now? ;-)

Well, I am smart and sexy, so at least he got that part right ;) I'm enjoying playing with this guy. I guess that makes me cruel and manipulative, but somehow I don't feel bad about that.

I responded:

Well survivor is where you throw 12 strangers in together, and let them battle it out to decide who stays. If you were to throw 6 female strangers into a house, I think it would be far messier and more dramatic than any episode of reality tv. And you would be caught in the middle of it, and no matter what you did, you'd be "wrong" (with 6 women, you'd have absolutely no chance of ever being "right," somebody would always be mad at you).

But you're talking about building a family. And in any family that I'd ever want to be part of, I would expect a fair and equal say in who else is going to join the family. It's not as simple as "estrogen conflict." Some people just aren't compatible, especially for cohabiting. There are people I work with (as there are for anyone) with whom I don't get along. I tolerate them at work, I'm polite and courteous because I'm grown-up like that, but I would never join them for drinks or invite them to a dinner party, because I don't enjoy their company and I have no desire to become friends.

Just because two women are compatible with the same man does not mean those two women are compatible with each other.

I have to say, I find your entire proposition somewhat selfish and sexist. Do you expect all these women to be monogamous with you? Or would they be free to explore other relationships outside the family? The whole reason I'm poly is that I realized, years ago, that I could not be happy being restricted from exploring my desires. For me, polyfidelity is as limiting as monogamy.

nycindie

01-29-2012, 08:07 PM

Not a message, but I just had to share that my OKC profile was visited today by someone residing in Funafuti, Tuvalu. Freakin' Tuvalu!

Phy

02-01-2012, 01:13 PM

Well, my first experience with a really unpleasant person on okc. I know those one sentence + misspelling persons of course, but there was one, who got on my nerves. I was in a reasonable good mood, therefore I asked him politely to stop spamming, that his behaviour doesn't encourage an answer at all. He asked me about some musicians, who I didn't know. Here is his reply:

Okay, if you dont know any of those persons, you are not worth writing to :(

And please spare me for your hypocrisy.

You are living with two men and gets offended because I am talking about getting you wet and giving you orgasmes?

Come down to earth. I will not waste my time with you :)

Goodbye :)

How ... not surprising, I guess.

km34

05-22-2012, 09:08 PM

I just got a very simple message from a man who complimented my physical features (positively - like my smile and hair, not my boobs), commented on some reading interests we share, and then told me he was interested in pursuing me and that he hoped to hear from me soon.

At first I was amused by some of the word choices (and the fact that he signed it Regards, HisName which I have always found an odd way to close a personal message), but then I realized that this was one of the most straightforward messages I've gotten on there and that he technically did everything right (showed he read my profile by commenting on things said, paid me a personal compliment, and included some information about himself) even if it was in a way that struck me as kind of awkward. Then again, almost everything about attempting online dating feels awkward to me.

I did respond. We'll see what happens.

nycindie

05-22-2012, 09:53 PM

...the fact that he signed it Regards, HisName which I have always found an odd way to close a personal message)...

Really? What is odd about that? I'm really curious. When I message people on OKC, I usually sign it:

Regards,
nycindie

or

Cheers!
nycindie

How would you expect it to be signed?

km34

05-22-2012, 10:47 PM

"Regards" always seemed rather formal and impersonal to me.

Cheers is a good one. A lot of people seem to say "Hope to hear from you soon," which I usually like as long as the rest of the message wasn't needy or insecure-sounding (the whole "you probably won't be interested in me, but...." type stuff).

RfromRMC

05-23-2012, 12:16 AM

I certainly think the only thing that's odd about it is that it sounds too polite from OKC. Usually I get a "'Sup!"
:confused:

km34

05-23-2012, 12:29 AM

I certainly think the only thing that's odd about it is that it sounds too polite from OKC. Usually I get a "'Sup!"
:confused:

I get a few "hey"s myself. That's the message: hey.

I've been tempted to respond back with what I always tell my nephew when he's flitting around trying to get everyone's attention by saying hey - Hay is for horses, now what do you really want? :D

One reason I love that kid is that he finds all of my lame comments funny. lol

PinkDragon

05-23-2012, 07:26 PM

It wasn't on OKC but I recently got a message on another site where this chick tells me (us) that we are "Just what she's looking for" but, "I can't move until August."

Ok, freak me out a little! I'm thinking, "Dude we haven't even talked on the phone and you are planning on moving?? Slow the F down!"

She wrote several times. I finally told her that she's not what we are looking for.

km34

05-24-2012, 01:48 AM

I heard back from Mr. Regards and he seems much less formal in SECOND messages. We are having a nice conversation now. :)

RfromRMC

05-24-2012, 01:58 AM

^Awesome. :)

So I recently got one on a gay personals site: "So what's this polygamy thing you're into? You want seven husbands or something?? I can be down with that! So when do we start? How many you got so far??"

Uhh.... :eek:

nycindie

05-24-2012, 02:02 AM

^ :D:D:D Oh, that's funny!

bluebunny1979

05-25-2012, 04:25 AM

Last time I was on OKC was a WHILE ago...Right before I met (P) and (K)....
But there was this (physically) attractive man who took an interest in wanting to watch me do "squats"...in fact, confessed that he was rather turned on by the idea of watching me.
Now...I am not one to criticize what gives anybody "that special feeling,"..however, I couldn't help imagining his voice as being similar to Arnold's Austrian accent....

Petunia

06-12-2012, 08:17 PM

He starts off with:

What a relief to read your profile! Fun and funny, full of delight in the world and in words, and open to non-traditional relationships.

Then progresses into a bit about him that he then relates back to something I mention in my profile.

I am a singer-songwriter of mostly fun songs, I teach improv comedy to corporations for a living, and I have even put a flying kite in one of my lyrics:
"I'm rising in the air just like a kite. I'm rolling down the road and feeling right."

He talks about his polyamorous status. Shared about making his very first music video recently. Made a funny about his real name that made me smile. Shared the lyrics to the song in the video. And he had a nice closing.

All a big win-win type of message.

PinkDragon

06-12-2012, 08:26 PM

I decided to unclick the "don't let straight people see me" button. This might have been a mistake...

"Do you like kinkiness?"

Gee. Now /there's/ a conversation starter. ><

Somegeezer

06-13-2012, 05:13 AM

He starts off with:
What a relief to read your profile! Fun and funny, full of delight in the world and in words, and open to non-traditional relationships. Then progresses into a bit about him that he then relates back to something I mention in my profile.
I am a singer-songwriter of mostly fun songs, I teach improv comedy to corporations for a living, and I have even put a flying kite in one of my lyrics:
"I'm rising in the air just like a kite. I'm rolling down the road and feeling right." He talks about his polyamorous status. Shared about making his very first music video recently. Made a funny about his real name that made me smile. Shared the lyrics to the song in the video. And he had a nice closing.

All a big win-win type of message.
That particular bit... haha. If that's what you're into though. =P I find it so difficult to really find lyrics that actually mean anything more than being filler. I'd prefer purposeful nonsense in the likes of many Sigur Ros songs. Or just using the voice as an instrument in itself. But not at all like beatboxing either. =P

Petunia

06-13-2012, 11:59 AM

That particular bit... haha. If that's what you're into though. =P I find it so difficult to really find lyrics that actually mean anything more than being filler. I'd prefer purposeful nonsense in the likes of many Sigur Ros songs. Or just using the voice as an instrument in itself. But not at all like beatboxing either. =P

You have a good point, but the lyrics were original (I think), so that was a window into his creativity. I just thought he did a good job with a first message. That being said, he's not my cup of tea and it didn't pay off for him this time, but it was a really good message in my book.

km34

07-26-2012, 12:33 AM

Hubby recently sent a message to a woman who bitched consistently through her profile that no one ever messages her - when she deigns to message someone first they never respond AND all the men who look at her are pussies and won't message her (no joke - she actually said she "deigns" to message and that the people who look at her are pussies if they don't message her). She is NOT a fan of open/poly relationships but he messages her anyway saying he took it as a challenge and that he is always up for new friends or penpals since they are diametrically opposed on relationship-stuff. He also asked her why she was so vehemently against poly relationships. Her response:

"Humans don't mate for life, its sad but true. Even if you marry someone and are with them till you die you probably dated or had sex with other people before you met them. The problems I have with Polyamorous/Open relationships are mainly two simple things. One hurt feelings or jealousy. Anyone that says they don't get jealous about their boyfriend/girlfriend being with another person is a lier. I've watched Polyamorous couples before and someone is always unhappy, the others know it but chose to ignore it. If their is two males and one female one male feels left out and not good enough compared to the other male his girl is seeing. If she gets pregnant the male that is not the father thinks "Why didn't she have my baby instead?" Same for one male and multiple females. If one female gets pregnant the other wonders "What is wrong with her, why didn't she get pregnant first?" Two STD's. Nowadays you can't just go around humping anything and everything that will sit still for 3 minutes. I know what you're going to say "Not if you use a condom!" Right? Wrong! I have no idea why people treat condoms like they are some magic protector. All condoms are is a tiny layer of plastic made from a porous material. Since you're a man I'm going to guess you like or even love your penis and it is very important to you. Why the hell would you trust a tiny layer of porous plastic to protect it from whatever hell might be hiding in your partners body? I personally am very choosy about who I date and who I have sex with for this reason. My overall health is more important to me than any lust or man getting off. You will probably have a good laugh at this letter I'm sure. As you laugh I wonder have you ever seen someone suffer from one of the more horrifying STD's of our time? Like AIDS or HPV? I have and it is not a joke. Now I know men don't suffer HPV but women do. You know what happens when they do get it? It causes cancer or pre cancerous cells to grow on their genitals. The only way to remove them is to have them cut or lasered off. Imagine having a doctor cut or laser off parts of your penis off. Such a lovely thing to imagine right? Even though men don't show physical sighs of having HPV they carry it. So say you are in a poly relationship with two women and they both get HPV from you and than you get to watch them suffer or die from it knowing you gave it to them both. Or you are in a open relationship and you become infected with something and have no idea how many people you have infected along the way or who gave it to you. I respect myself and other people too much to risk getting something or passing something along to someone. STD's are natures way of saying stop having sex with everyone. If we were meant to have more than one mate at a time then would have been given more than one penis and one vagina. Now you can read this and laugh and think I'm stupid or full of shit. I don't care but at the end of the day I can sleep soundly knowing that I am safe and not hurting anyone. "

Guess what? He's not gonna respond. Apparently the lack of paragraph breaks isn't what did it for him, though, although that was enough for me to complain when he asked me to read the message.

Glitter

07-26-2012, 07:23 AM

I get a lot of one word messages (hey, hi, 'sup, etc). Those get deleted. I have gotten a few that are actually very nice to read. They have spent more than a minute on my profile, read what I wrote (and yes, it's a bloody book, haha), and ask me questions about things in my profile.

I've gotten a few nasty things (one elder Christian man in Florida damning me for being a Poly Witch, haha), but it's generally nice. I've made a few friends and pen pals, which is cool.

I started down the road with someone who showed great possibility as a LTR partner, only to have him belittle my marriage and accuse me of trying to rope him into something he never signed up for. Then proceeded to demand to know why I never listen to him and refuse to just be monogamous (with him, not my husband). Good Bye! Jerkoff :p

Just recently started talking with a man who is in a poly relationship, is the same faith and also as artsy as I am. He and G have much in common, and his female partner is interested in us as well. Still new, but he has a much better grasp on what we are both looking for (both have OKC profiles, clearly stating what we want and who each other is). Seems like a nice person so far.

Most annoying is how (on another site), I get messages from local ladies who are interested...but they never say anything! I mean, a Hey or Ur Hot isn't going to get anywhere with me. I think I should delete that profile.

Oh, and the guys wanting details about being Bi ~ "Is it because daddy touched you? Did he? How was it?"

*rollseyes*

jndmoore

08-05-2012, 05:31 PM

My favorite was one who messaged in the middle of the day on a weekday telling me (us) 'I'm an attorney and I don't have to be in court until later today, you want to meet up for some fun?' First, I work normal hours so no, I don't, second, our summary states that we aren't looking for casual sex. After a while when he didn't receive a response he sends another one saying 'I see you checked my profile, I'll take that as a good sign'. He was promptly blocked by hubby. I would have left him be to see how hard he tried....but I get amused by those. :D

We had another that sent 'How about a single male?' Our 'Looking for' section indicates single bi female or couple and at the time specifically said no single males.

Our most promising so far ended up being really good friends with our last couple so it was agreed that we shouldn't meet since it could be really awkward. :(

Glitter

08-05-2012, 09:56 PM

(Snipped)....but I get amused by those. :D

OMGosh, me too ;) :p

CielDuMatin

08-07-2012, 04:03 PM

A recent exchange on OKC with a guy who had obviously come to my profile through lovefromgirl's:

Him:
"I'm interested in your cult, Jim.
Or do you prefer Charlie?
David maybe?
Tell me more."

Me:
Which cult would that be?

Him:
The cult in which you apparently seduce girls half your age and convince them to allow you to do the same with whoever else you want.
If that's not Koresh-esque, I don't know what is.

Me:
OK, now I understand why you think you would be interested.

Here's the secret - be respectful and polite to people. They then treat you as an individual and can grow to like you for who you really are. If you are rude, or make assumptions about them, you come off as a total jack-wad and you never get anywhere and end up frustrated and on dating sites looking for women, while insulting other guys who have had the success that you fail to have.

You're welcome. http://forum.thebirdcage.org/Smileys/default/smiley.gif

Him:
Oh, jealousy is obviously the driving force here.
Undoubtedly.
However, again - has there ever been a notorious cult, except maybe for Heaven's Gate, that didn't have sexual immorality as a catalyst?
Not that I'm judging necessarily.
Monogamy is contrived.
Agreed.
But the sinister undertones of your seemingly harmless philosophy are unsettling.
I can see the headline now.
Aging hipster preys on naive adolescents with Daddy issues."

Me:
OK, then I won't send the recruiters around to your place.

Have a nice life.

CielDuMatin

08-07-2012, 04:09 PM

So I found someone in my match - long way away from me, with similar tastes in a lot of things - nothing about poly in her profile, but I figure - more friends are always good, right?

I never mentioned poly in the message - I talked about our mutual dislike of vampire books, our love of photography and owning a nice camera (I have a Nikon), and closed saying that if she wanted to chat, I would like it. Friendly, certainly not a come-on. her profile said that she was looking for "New friends, long-term dating and activity partners", so my message was firmly in the "friends" category.

Here was the response:
Well, Ciel, there aren't enough polynomials to calculate that amount of times some individuals try to explain the concepts of polyamory and polygamy. I'll be sitting in Polynesia practicing polytheism and using Poly-grip asking my pet parrot, Polly, if she wants a cracker before I get involved with anyone who even remotely thinks I would be interested in such a friendship. Perhaps it's a matter of my own polymorphic failures during the evolutionary process, but I prefer to think of it more in terms of I'm not buyin' what yer sellin'.

Besides, it would never work. I shoot a Canon 1ds Mark III.

Thanks for playin.

Wow. She's going to make friends REALLY quickly with that attitude!

Glitter

08-08-2012, 12:56 AM

Wow Ceil, what a biotch! :eek:

jndmoore

08-18-2012, 12:02 AM

My new favorite! ;)

"i like you sweety , hit me up" from a guy who describes himself as a "nympho not a psycho" and actually posts his number on his profile.

HopeRemains

08-19-2012, 01:48 AM

We just started talking about music and cats and nerdy things and we really connected and it was just so awesome. I told him I'm poly and he's okay with it, although he admits he doesn't know much about it and we'd have to take it slow. Eventually I gave him my number and we've been texting back and forth and we just have so much in common and it's just been awesome. We're planning to actually meet soon and I'm so excited. I have a good feeling about this one.

Emm

08-19-2012, 06:38 AM

My most recent one (from an 18 year-old. I'm 36):

Him: (10:48am)
hey there , interested in younger guys?
----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Me: (11:08am)
Not that much younger, no.

Good luck finding someone more suitable.
----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Him: (11:15am)
not even for a hookup? :)
----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Me: (11:18am)
Not even for a hookup. Casual isn't my thing.
----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Him: (11:20am)
have you tried it? :)
----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Him: (11:24am)
maybe you should have a go with me :)
----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Me: (12:59pm)
I would rather eat glass.

You seem to be labouring under the misapprehension that persistence is somehow an admirable quality. Let me assure you it's not. By continuing to contact me after I've made my lack of interest politely clear you are demonstrating that you feel your desire for contact outweighs my desire to have nothing to do with you. By extension, you have no respect for my boundaries. Why you'd assume a woman would be at all comfortable hooking up with someone who doesn't understand a "No" unless it's applied with a sledgehammer I don't know.

I withdraw my previous "good luck", at least until you have the maturity to understand that the world doesn't revolve around you.
----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Him: (1:19pm)
Lol, sorry i misunderstood the situation, ill leave you be, all the best!

SlytherinAlumnus

08-24-2012, 02:22 AM

Most of what I get are from people who know me gloating for knowing me. One was a massive list of books I guess I'm supposed to read. The only other one was:

"hey whats up? you seem like a cool guy. so you are only looking for open relationships? bummer"

Is it standard practice to tell people "bummer" when you read something in their profile you don't like?

km34

08-28-2012, 01:09 AM

My second most recent message:

"I am so hot can we chat"

BrigidsDaughter

09-04-2012, 03:33 PM

Okay, so I joined OK Cupid last week not because I'm looking, but because I wanted to be able to check out Runic Wolf's profile and a friend who is dating kept sending me links to people's pages who contacted her. I specifically put that I'm married, poly, but only looking for friendship.

Today I got these messages: "hello beautiful" and "Hi - you are very pretty. Would you chat with a married guy?" The latter from someone who is only a 10% match and is older than my parents.

RunicWolf

09-05-2012, 05:38 AM

"Hey ----,

We noticed it's raining tonight in ----. Our statistics show that more people sign in when there is bad weather. It's the perfect time to message that special someone! "

Is OKC stalking me? O.o

CielDuMatin

09-05-2012, 06:59 PM

Does that explain the disproportionate number of members from the Pacific North-West, or from England?

(I just totally made that up, btw!)

RfromRMC

09-12-2012, 11:57 AM

The only other one was:

"hey whats up? you seem like a cool guy. so you are only looking for open relationships? bummer"

Is it standard practice to tell people "bummer" when you read something in their profile you don't like?

You have to turn it around on them:
"Ugh, you only do monogamy?!? BUMMER!"

:D

Glitter

09-12-2012, 05:05 PM

You have to turn it around on them:
"Ugh, you only do monogamy?!? BUMMER!"

:D

Love it! :D

Magdlyn

09-21-2012, 12:09 PM

Since Ginger has been so sick with Lyme, I've been kind of at loose ends and have gone back to browsing OKC a bit. One guy contacted me this week. He's 28 (that's OK, even though I am 57 I am fine with younger guys).

So, he seems like an intelligent, literate, engineer type. It's obvious he has read my profile as he comments on it and asks me questions pertaining to it. Big plus and I tell him so. We PM back and forth a few times.

Last night he asked me for my phone number so he can hear my voice. Hmmm... So I take a closer look at his profile and Q&As. His profile says he is looking for women aged 23-30, and his Q&As indicate he is not interested in dating someone who is already in an open relationship!

What to do? He's not acting like a horndog who just wants to be with an experienced older woman for hot sex. We haven't even talked about sex. So confusing.

MusicalRose

09-21-2012, 01:39 PM

Perhaps just ask for clarification since you read his profile? It is possible that (like many on OKC) they can end up being interested in someone outside their stated range of qualities. I've talk to a guy or two whose profile said he wasn't interested in an open relationship, but then when I talked to them about it they said they didn't care.

It also may be the case that he wasn't paying attention and it might be good to air it out just to make sure he knows.

BrigidsDaughter

09-22-2012, 03:20 PM

"Hey whats going on?

I'm <Name Redacted>, I just graduated from RIT with an Engineering Degree. I am looking for someone open minded and cool. This might sound different but I like women's feet and would like to give you a foot massage haha. If your cool with that we should talk more."

I kind of wanted to reply that he should try his luck on Fetlife.

CielDuMatin

09-22-2012, 03:44 PM

I kind of wanted to reply that he should try his luck on Fetlife.... and spellcheck.

BrigidsDaughter

09-22-2012, 03:59 PM

yeah.

BrigidsDaughter

09-23-2012, 04:09 AM

Got this one today: "you into/ up for a gang bang?"

RfromRMC

09-23-2012, 09:20 PM

^ Oh for crying out loud. :eek:

But on the other hand, I still say OKC is tame compared to what I often find on some of the gay men's sites. (I know...no surprise there!)

Today, a man almost two decades older than me asked me if he could be my "daddy".
I replied "how do you know you're not?? Let's run a test on Maury!"
:D

Interestingly enough, he logged out quickly after that. :p

BrigidsDaughter

09-23-2012, 10:01 PM

lol. Another guy today messaged me to tell me he wants to be my next lover. I'm not even listed as available on OK Cupid.

nycindie

09-23-2012, 10:42 PM

So, I had temporarily closed my OKC account early in the year. I'd reinstated it once just to login and get someone's email address that I only had in my messages. During that week they require before you close it again, I received a few messages but never looked at them. I only discovered them the other day when I reinstated my OKC account to start looking again. So, I noticed a message from a few months ago that I had missed before. The guy had sent a very lovely message, so I took a shot and messaged him all these months later - and he wrote back! I dig his vibe, except for one thing: he mentioned sex in his message.

I usually bristle when guys do that. I feel like, okay, we're here for dating and relationships, of course sex is part of that, why mention it? Is that all you're after? Now, he wasn't creepy, and was just responding to something I had stated in my profile, which prompted him to bring up the subject of sex. But still, I don't feel that is proper.

So, I'm taking a poll - when you contact people on OKC, do you mind discussing sex early on in an email exchange? Or do you welcome it or even bring it up yourself?

BrigidsDaughter

09-23-2012, 10:54 PM

Honestly, if it's in your profile, than it's fair game. At least in my opinion.

nycindie

09-23-2012, 11:20 PM

Honestly, if it's in your profile, than it's fair game. At least in my opinion.

The only things I mention about sex in my profile is where I say I want a casual relationship but I explain that that isn't the same as casual sex, which I am not looking for, and somewhere else I say I'm not interested in anyone who identifies as strongly into BDSM (I was getting messages from guys who wanted to know if I would let them Dom me. Ugh). The kink is the part he responded to.

Hmm, should I take that stuff out?

MusicalRose

09-24-2012, 05:50 AM

It would probably depend what the context was honestly. I don't mind openly discussing sex as long as I don't feel like I'm being pressured for it.

lanniesgirl

09-25-2012, 06:29 PM

oh my goodness! this whole place is so confussing..a friend recently told me to look this site up and said it was something i might be interested in! after looking around a bit i made a profile here...then i find that people here are as judgemental and cruel as they are here in small town oklahoma!! so much for expanding my horizons and being happy about who i am!!! i sent out friend requests just to get to know different types of people,mainly because im a good person who doesnt judge! i send out,"i would like to be your friend." i get back.."Why?" and ..."You dont even know me." gees people lighten up..was only extending a hand shake!!!

nycindie

09-25-2012, 08:06 PM

This is a thread about OkCupid.

Somegeezer

09-26-2012, 02:24 PM

The only things I mention about sex in my profile is where I say I want a casual relationship but I explain that that isn't the same as casual sex, which I am not looking for, and somewhere else I say I'm not interested in anyone who identifies as strongly into BDSM (I was getting messages from guys who wanted to know if I would let them Dom me. Ugh). The kink is the part he responded to.

Hmm, should I take that stuff out?

It would probably depend what the context was honestly. I don't mind openly discussing sex as long as I don't feel like I'm being pressured for it.
Yeah, I think it depends HOW he brought in the subject of it. If it was related to what you say in your profile, I'd just say take it out of your profile to make sure others don't do the same.

I think as long as he wasn't pushing the idea, and was only interested in an open conversation, it seems harmless. By not replying to that part of the message, or outright stating that you aren't comfortable talking about it just yet would be enough. If he still pushed on sex in the next reply, then I would take that as a sign, and leave him to it. =]

Magdlyn

09-26-2012, 11:44 PM

Gosh, Cindie, if you mentioned sex in your profile, and so he did, as long as he wasn't creepy about it and just wanted to discuss what your definition of casual sex was, I don't see a thing wrong with it.

I'm so sex positive though. It's one of my favorite things to talk about (if I'm not actually doing it)!

I know you're feeling extra tender and confused about relationships right now... maybe that's why if a guy just responded to something in your profile, you're slightly offended.

Petunia

10-02-2012, 05:11 PM

This one was fun! Not too practical, but he gets a lot of points for effort and creativity.

So here's the deal. Your scores are higher than anyone I've encountered on this site. And we both answered a bunch of questions so it wasn't just a freak thing. I have seen a 99% match before but never with the other scores. Honestly, I don't know what this all means. I don't agree with myself 99% of the time, I am not always my own best friend and most people score higher than 10% enemy with me just after they say, "how do you do?" And I don't know about you, but I don't think of myself as mainstream. I'm not a vampire or Alice Cooper or someone from Dada but I don't always play well with the other kids. I get along. I'm just never gonna win Miss Congeniality.
And reading about you also left me a bit puzzled. I went horseback riding one time and it scared the bejeezus out of me. There was no brake pedal. The thing smelled like a horse and there was no GPS. Motorcycles scare me. I don't mean riding on one. I mean I assume the fetal position when I see one cruising down the street. I'm not afraid of everything but whenever they ask for volunteers, I take one step back.
And you think I'm too old. It's true. I creep around like Grandpa Simpson. I snort and harrumph. I sigh a lot. My forehead looks like a road map. Whenever I have sex, we have to be sure not only that the paddles are right beside the bed, but they have to be fired up and ready...just in case. I can still perambulate, but no one would describe the effect as pretty.
And I'm not exactly sure where Wisconsin is. I know it's in the empire to the south and I know that in Green Bay, men take off their shirts during football games when snow is on the ground so it must be fairly north. And something about beer and cheese.
I'm married. You have a fiancee. I wouldn't want to come between two people who horseback ride on each other's backs across fields but I am more than intrigued. What else? I'm kinda of a tootsie roll pop--hard crunchy candy on the outside, soft chewy candy on the inside but sometimes even the inside candy gets pretty crunchy.
Before you dismiss me as someone who answered 300 odd questions just to hit on you, why don't you talk to me a little. I am pee your pants funny. Everybody says so and I'm pretty good at putting words together although reading this over, I conclude you're going to have to trust me on that one. I am not about to come to [my city] and I assume you don't journey to Toronto with any regularity. I'm kind of hoping you'll give this a little exploration but if chatting with some old coot across an international border is too odd for you, then good luck with the fiancee and the apples and the piggy back riding across fields. In the pictures, you look very happy together.

Magdlyn

10-02-2012, 07:14 PM

This one was fun! Not too practical, but he gets a lot of points for effort and creativity.

LOL, how cute! Did you write back?

Petunia

10-02-2012, 07:30 PM

I haven't had an opportunity to reply yet. Busy day and busy life at the moment. Wedding in 10 days! :)

Vixtoria

10-02-2012, 08:06 PM

I just got back on the site after being off for awhile. I took my time filling out a profile, and putting up a picture I know, then I started in on the questions and some tests. I don't know what the deal is, but other than the really inappropriate one sentence pick up lines I've been just flooded with whiners!

"You looked at my profile and didn't message me! What's up with that?"

Um, most of the time if I looked at your profile it's because you were in my quiver, or more likely, you looked at my profile! So if I give a thoughtful reply about what I saw on the profile and how you didn't message me either, they fade away. When did people start getting so upset about NOT being contacted first? Fine if I ignore you but never messaged you and never got a message? I blame facebook. People used to their 'likes'

Petunia

10-03-2012, 05:29 PM

This one was fun. :)
Well, I am intrigued, and apparently we do match up over 90%, and I do understand that you are looking for a Secondary relationship, so here goes! This is the first time I've come across your profile on this site. I enjoyed reading about you a great deal. You're sweet and aggressive at the same time, (how that's possible nobody could likely answer but you), and your profile radiates a kind of (word?) Verve that attracted me to scroll through the entire thing.....You're open-minded and opinionated. You're classy and down-to-earth.

I think I need to reply to this one. :p

opalescent

10-03-2012, 09:42 PM

The correct use of verve is a point in his favor, IMHO. :-)

nycindie

10-05-2012, 01:56 AM

Magdlyn

10-06-2012, 04:09 PM

Recent messages:

This one was brief:

"share,"

with a comma. WTH?

Another typical one:

"are u into younger guys for causal sex?"

Magdlyn

10-06-2012, 04:10 PM

I haven't had an opportunity to reply yet. Busy day and busy life at the moment. Wedding in 10 days! :)

This one was fun. :)
Well, I am intrigued, and apparently we do match up over 90%, and I do understand that you are looking for a Secondary relationship, so here goes! This is the first time I've come across your profile on this site. I enjoyed reading about you a great deal. You're sweet and aggressive at the same time, (how that's possible nobody could likely answer but you), and your profile radiates a kind of (word?) Verve that attracted me to scroll through the entire thing.....You're open-minded and opinionated. You're classy and down-to-earth.

I think I need to reply to this one. :p

Oh suddenly she's got the time! LOL

SchrodingersCat

10-07-2012, 09:46 PM

haha, you stalked me.

From my gf's husband. :P It's true. I totally creeped on his profile.

SchrodingersCat

10-07-2012, 09:48 PM

You are always in my top 3 matches in the area and I always think it would be great to get to know you but chicken out before messaging. Today you are the top match and I am feeling brave or something: so Hi. You sound interesting n fun. care to chat some?

I can relate to chickening out and I found this endearing. I messaged him, we've been chatting on Skype. Not sure if anything will come of it, but he seems nice. Depressed, though, and I'm not sure I want to take that on. I already have a bipolar mother and girlfriend, and a husband who's just all kinds of crazy. I mean, so am I, so it works... but I don't handle depression very well...

SchrodingersCat

10-07-2012, 09:49 PM

Cleo

10-10-2012, 10:09 AM

To the OKC question 'do you think women are obligated to shave their legs?'

I have answered: No.

Today I get this message (guy, profile says straight & married, almost no info in his profile, nothing about poly anyway) that consists of one line:

"So, you don't shave your legs?"

Emm

10-10-2012, 10:27 AM

"So, you don't shave your legs?"To which you are supposed to protest that you do indeed shave your legs and are dying to show him how hairlessly feminine you are because his opinion of you is just so important. It's a low-grade neg hit.

Cleo

10-10-2012, 01:52 PM

To the OKC question 'do you think women are oblogated to shave their legs?'

I have answered: No.

Today I get this message (guy, profile says straight & married, almost no info in his profile, nothing about poly anyway) that consists of one line:

"So, you don't shave your legs?"

I replied:
"I try to give a polite answer to any question I get asked. But in this case, I have to say: "this is none of your business"."

to which he replied:
"Oh dear, I guess you're right, it isn't my business! So I guess I shouldn't ask if you keep your legs nice and smooth?"

is he really stupid or a creep? can't decide... but he won't be getting any more replies :p

nycindie

10-10-2012, 05:01 PM

is he really stupid or a creep? can't decide... but he won't be getting any more replies :p

I would send one more message:

"Are you really stupid or just a creep? I can't decide." And then block him and put him in your Hidden Users list.

BoringGuy

10-10-2012, 06:01 PM

I would just block him and not give it a second thought. He probably signed up there just to troll like this and entertain himself with people explaining themselves.

I can't believe someone actually posted a question like "are women OBLIGATED to shave their legs". Since when is shaving an "obligation"? The question doesn't even make sense. If there is some country where women ARE required by law to shave their legs, then it's not even a matter of opinion whether they are "obligated".

Teh stuiped. It burns.

redpepper

10-14-2012, 03:15 AM

Received this just now

"I'm sorry, you are to hot, smart and interesting for this site. You could end your search for someone right now if you contact me.

Elliot"

Ha! :)

BoringGuy

10-14-2012, 03:40 AM

Received this just now

"I'm sorry, you are to hot, smart and interesting for this site. You could end your search for someone right now if you contact me.

Elliot"

Ha! :)

What are you waiting for?

BrigidsDaughter

10-14-2012, 12:56 PM

The improper use of "to" instead of "too" bugs me. Lol. As for my most recent message "Are you looking for a sugar daddy?" He went on to say that he was clean and safe and gave his phone number.

Magdlyn

10-14-2012, 01:39 PM

Emm

10-14-2012, 02:00 PM

It's a useful filter question. I do sometimes wonder what the people who answer "yes" are thinking.

Magdlyn

10-15-2012, 02:56 PM

Well, in this day and age, some people "require" their lovers to have shaved pubes, even, so...

Cleo

10-17-2012, 01:51 PM

It's a useful filter question. I do sometimes wonder what the people who answer "yes" are thinking.

can you search for specific questions? I haven't managed to find out how.

I've been getting at least 6 messages over the past couple of weeks of single guys, looking for their 'soul mate - someone to settle down with'.

Why would someone write that to a woman who states she's poly in the first sentence of the first paragraph of her profile? and then not mention the poly part in your message to me?

Also, I say in my profile not to contact me if you're living in another country, because I'm not looking for pen pals - even for friendships / non-romantic conections, I like to have the option of meeting someone in person. I'm in Europe, and last week, I got messages from Florida, Brazil, Italy (5 countries south of where I am) en Seattle.

So far, I've always to tried to reply to everyone who says more than 'hi how r u' in a first message, but I'm getting tired of typing out thoughtful responses to guys who can't read....

MusicalRose

10-17-2012, 06:00 PM

I've found it entertaining to ask if they've read my profile as a response sometimes.

SchrodingersCat

10-18-2012, 06:00 AM

It's a useful filter question. I do sometimes wonder what the people who answer "yes" are thinking.

As much as I disagree with them, it's surprising how many people would not even consider considering dating a woman who didn't shave her legs.

My husband and I got into this early in our relationship. He's very anti-hairy-women, and I'm a total hippie at heart. He wouldn't go down on me unless I was hair-free, because he hated getting the hairs stuck in his mouth. At first I was totally indignant about it, but it does have a logical basis. I don't like getting hairs stuck in my mouth, either, and it does rather ruin the mood when someone involuntarily gags on your privates...

But he's not stupid enough to try and "require" me to shave. He just set his own personal boundary: "I don't perform cunnilingus on hairy twats." (I'm putting words in his mouth, he was much more politically correct. I just like the word "twat.") It's my own choice whether to remove the hair, or forego that activity with him.

Hairy legs make him feel like he's in bed with a man. As much as I think that's just plain dumb, telling him how to feel about hairy legs would be just as inappropriate as him telling me I have to shave.

What does amuse me is that once I started removing the hair, I began to really like the look and feel of it, both legs/pits, as well as pubic. Oh, I still have an above-average tolerance for hairiness... but I no longer feel like I'm failing the women's movement by getting sugared once in a while.

Emm

10-18-2012, 09:29 AM

can you search for specific questions? I haven't managed to find out how. I just scan through "Unacceptable Answers".

Helo

10-22-2012, 07:16 AM

Too bad I've deleted most of mine. :)

However, the two that I remember were:

"You are very attractive. I would like to have the sex with you."
At least they were upfront...?

I receive very few messages but they tend to be short and less than creative. I have to say it gets frustrating when someone responds ONCE then just dumps the conversation.

Anek

10-22-2012, 03:24 PM

I got a one the other day that said "I'm looking forward to get to know you, please respond".

That was it. No message as to why I should want to get to know him in the first place. We had a very low match as well, so, really, what was he thinking of?

Xared

10-22-2012, 04:15 PM

Not a message, but one of the questions and how I responded. (I just joined.)

Have you ever tried any sexual roleplaying, such as student/teacher or patient/nurse?

Yes, on occasion. I have to be in the mood.

Explain your answer: I tried it once, but it didn't work out too well. The character sheets got all disorganized and crumpled, and I got a d20 stuck up my ass.

nycindie

10-22-2012, 10:55 PM

That wouldn't make any sense to me if I came across your explanation while reading someone's questions.

opalescent

10-23-2012, 01:01 AM

NYC, if would if you were into gaming (role playing, not gambling) or dated people into gaming (as in my case). It's a whole new world(s)!

Xared

10-23-2012, 02:50 AM

That wouldn't make any sense to me if I came across your explanation while reading someone's questions.
That's probably true of at least half of the questions where I provided explanations, as well as most of my profile.

NYC, if would if you were into gaming (role playing, not gambling) or dated people into gaming (as in my case). It's a whole new world(s)!
Those dice get everywhere, don't they?

nycindie

10-23-2012, 12:38 PM

But... why would you have answers that only one segment of the population would understand? And "character sheets" for sexual roleplaying? Do people actually give each other scripts to follow? And I've no idea what a d20 is. I just don't get it (SMH).

nycindie

10-23-2012, 12:43 PM

Found this in my OKC inbox today:

Hi! I need a girl who is honset,trustworthy, caring, hopeful,beautiful like you, you not bad for me send your information to me or this my ___@ hotmail.com

"Need a girl" and "you not bad for me" -- yuck! I went to send a sarcastic response and his account was already disabled. That is the third time this week I received an asinine message and shortly thereafter the account was disabled. They must've got the hint from the responses their idiocy had generated. Weird.

Helo

10-23-2012, 05:23 PM

I think the best OKC message I've ever seen, hands down, was one my friend received. She got a message that just said "My mom took away my Xbox until I get a date, do u want to go out?"

That was it. Nothing else, just that. And the guy had his age listed as 35.

Emm

10-24-2012, 10:00 AM

But... why would you have answers that only one segment of the population would understand?If you are interested in people from that narrow segment of the population, why not? It helps to weed out people who aren't going to get your jokes.
And "character sheets" for sexual roleplaying? Do people actually give each other scripts to follow? That bit is the joke. Character sheets are used for tabletop or pen 'n paper roleplaying games, most of which have very little to do with sex. Edit: Think Dungeons & Dragons. And I've no idea what a d20 is.A 20-sided dice, commonly used when playing the above-mentioned games.

Cleo

10-24-2012, 02:18 PM

"Hi, your profile really scotch me. Want to chat?"

what does this even mean? some kind of slang that I haven't heard before?

Magdlyn

10-24-2012, 02:25 PM

"My mom took away my Xbox until I get a date, do u want to go out?"

That was it. Nothing else, just that. And the guy had his age listed as 35.

ROFL! Sounds like a catch! Did she date him? :confused: :p

Anek

10-24-2012, 05:54 PM

i think you are interesting ,,,, i want to continue with you ,,,one replay can inspire me again to write you.

48% match... why should I want you to write again?

Helo

10-24-2012, 06:37 PM

ROFL! Sounds like a catch! Did she date him? :confused: :p
She didnt respond to it. We werent sure if the guy was trying to be funny and just came off as super strange or if he was serious. Either way she wasn't interested.

48% match... why should I want you to write again?
The match percentages are, I've found, extremely poor indicators of how well you'll get along with someone. Especially considering how many questions they answer and you answer make a big difference in the percentages.

Xared

10-25-2012, 12:27 AM

If you are interested in people from that narrow segment of the population, why not? It helps to weed out people who aren't going to get your jokes. If I weeded out everyone that didn't get my jokes, there probably wouldn't be anyone left.

The match percentages are, I've found, extremely poor indicators of how well you'll get along with someone. Especially considering how many questions they answer and you answer make a big difference in the percentages.
According to the graph thing based on my answers to questions, it says I'm very aggressive and have a lot of sexual experience. I'm a smart ass and occasionally cocky, but I am not aggressive. As for lots of sexual experience, HA!

Even if compatibility could be scientifically determined, the questions wouldn't be a good way to go about it. I'll spare everyone the tl;dr scientific analysis and just say: It may be a good way to get conversations started, but is good for little else.

Anek

10-25-2012, 09:51 AM

For sure match alone is not enough. I've found though that any match below 60% usually indicates we disagree on most of my (or their) "mandatory answers". Sure, we could have a chat... but why, if we're going to disagree at such basic levels?

I usually don't even look at the profiles of matches below 60%, rarely respond below 70%, and rarely meet below 80%. My partners and I have a 99% match, there's a reason for it. I've tried several times, and it never worked out. Since time is limited, I just focus on the good ones.

Magdlyn

10-27-2012, 04:29 PM

Yeah, I met miss pixi and Ginger on okc, and we are all 95% or more matches with each other. I haven't had much luck with people below 85% match.

I'll have been with miss p 4 yrs come January and with Ginger one year in the same month... so I do think the okc matching system works quite well!

Somegeezer

10-28-2012, 05:51 PM

The match percentages are, I've found, extremely poor indicators of how well you'll get along with someone. Especially considering how many questions they answer and you answer make a big difference in the percentages.
I've found the numbers to actually be fairly representative. The one you really want to look at, is the friend percentage. That one seems to give the most clear indication to me. The match percentage is often higher than expected.

Yeah, I met miss pixi and Ginger on okc, and we are all 95% or more matches with each other. I haven't had much luck with people below 85% match.

I'll have been with miss p 4 yrs come January and with Ginger one year in the same month... so I do think the okc matching system works quite well!
Same here. Anything lower than 70%, I feel isn't worth even talking to. Anything above 85% generally has a lot of great points that hit me in the face.

Strangely, I've recently been getting some really great matches, who had some interesting profiles and great answers [and explanations] to questions. But they're at a point where they are so good, I feel intimadated to even send a message myself. >.< I hate being the one to initiate conversation. =P

MusicalRose

10-28-2012, 05:55 PM

I've actually noticed recently that I get quite a few people asking me what poly is and wanting to know more about it. It is pretty encouraging for the most part. :-)

Tang

11-06-2012, 06:19 PM

unfortunately I have a lot of things going against me. One, I cant seem to find any Poly's in my area on OKC. Two, the ones I do find are so far away that it would constitute 'going away for the weekend' trip. Three, I work in IT, I am use to doing something and getting instant results, good bad or indifferent.

so being in a long term getting to know each other without being able to be with each other ( be face to face), is really, really hard for me. but I'm trying. and the fact my car broke down last week doesn't help anything.

my last message on OKC was: "I guess its something you have to be into to understand." when me and someone actually local to me were talking about poly.

jndmoore

11-07-2012, 02:18 AM

The other day I got one and all it said was "You want to eat me?" :eek: His only picture was him in just briefs that were pretty apparently stuffed. I really wonder if any woman ever goes for these guys, surely they have to have some luck with their sleazy messages or they wouldn't continue.

SchrodingersCat

11-07-2012, 09:32 AM

You seem like a wonderful young lady, and I would love to talk sometime, maybe become friends. I hope all is well, and to hear from you soon. Be safe. Be happy.

His profile said he was looking for single girls. Admittedly it included "friendship" so I'll assume that's why he contacted a person who's non-single-two-fold.

So I responded:

Have you ever heard of polyamory? What do you think of it?

Response:

Yes I certainly have. Poly, from the Greek, meaning many. And amor, from the Latin, meaning love. I personally am extremely open to the endless possibilities of everything.

First, I love how he starts with a definition of the word's roots. $10 says he Googled that on the spot. I know what the word means, or I wouldn't be asking about it. Duh. Then he went into some diatribe about how it would never work, given "human nature" and how humanity is inherently dishonest and people are prone to jealousy. So cynical, makes me wonder why he bothers dating at all? Who wants to date jealous liars even if they're monogamous?? So in what sense is that being "extremely open to the endless possibilities of everything?" Sounds more like he's made up his mind against it.

I also find it extremely amusing that he mentioned in his profile that he went to a "Prestigious Top Ranked Prep School." Like, the first thing "about" him besides location. Pretentious much?

Cleo

11-07-2012, 11:52 AM

Originally Posted by Some guy on OKC You seem like a wonderful young lady, and I would love to talk sometime, maybe become friends. I hope all is well, and to hear from you soon. Be safe. Be happy.

You know, I am so intrigued by how one single sentence in a message from a stranger can rub me either completeley the right or the wrong way. This line you quoted? wrong, wrong, wrong, and I can't even really explain why. Probably the 'be safe, be happy'' part is what irks me the most. But it's really more a gut feeling than something specific, because there is nothing really wrong with this line is there?

So far, every single time I did not listen to my gut feeling, and respondend positively to a message that my gut said was 'wrong', the follow up email conversation confirmed that gut feeling. Very fascinating.

MeeraReed

11-09-2012, 11:11 PM

You know, I am so intrigued by how one single sentence in a message from a stranger can rub me either completeley the right or the wrong way. This line you quoted? wrong, wrong, wrong, and I can't even really explain why. Probably the 'be safe, be happy'' part is what irks me the most. But it's really more a gut feeling than something specific, because there is nothing really wrong with this line is there?

So far, every single time I did not listen to my gut feeling, and respondend positively to a message that my gut said was 'wrong', the follow up email conversation confirmed that gut feeling. Very fascinating.

Funny! I was thinking the same thing about the "be safe, be happy" making me feel really creepy somehow. Can't even articulate why.

Maybe it's him calling her a "young lady" too. Ick.

I feel guilty when I don't respond to messages based on a gut feeling of "wrongness" when there is nothing concretely wrong with the words--but it turns out my instincts are usually right.

I feel like the guy who just says "Want to eat me?!" is more honest and less manipulative than the guy who says "Be safe. Be happy." But why?

Maybe because the latter guy is already implying too much intimacy with the "young lady" he's messaging. It's not his business to admonish her to be safe or wish her to be happy. His phrasing of the message sounds too forced and too formal, too careful somehow.

Although I can see what a struggle it is to figure out how to word a message so that one doesn't sound creepy!

Magdlyn

11-12-2012, 10:25 PM

SchrodingersCat

11-13-2012, 03:01 AM

Probably the 'be safe, be happy'' part is what irks me the most. But it's really more a gut feeling than something specific, because there is nothing really wrong with this line is there?

Funny! I was thinking the same thing about the "be safe, be happy" making me feel really creepy somehow. Can't even articulate why.

Maybe it's him calling her a "young lady" too. Ick.

I think it's the familiarity of his comment. Those are things you say to someone you know. "Hope all is well" is something you say to a person you haven't heard from in a while and you're checking in. "Be safe, be happy" is something you say to someone close.

Ironically about the "young lady" comment is that he's younger than me, to boot.

I always reply to everything, mainly to maintain my "always replies" status. But it didn't take me long to confirm my own suspicious, that he was a waste of time... and bandwidth.

Helo

11-13-2012, 07:55 AM

Fetlife one:

Ugh.

Blech.

When men on here say they can't meet women, I HOPE they aren't writing first messages like that and expecting any response.
Not to be a typical dude about it, but what's wrong with those? (#1 and #3) Yeah I'll agree they aren't terribly creative but I don't see anything overtly wrong with them.

#2 is a little too forward, with you on that one, totes.

Cleo

11-13-2012, 08:40 AM

"Ciao, Evita!"
(this was the entire message)

???

I don't look like Evita, am not from Argentina, and neither is he.

Cleo

11-13-2012, 08:43 AM

Not to be a typical dude about it, but what's wrong with those? (#1 and #3) Yeah I'll agree they aren't terribly creative but I don't see anything overtly wrong with them.

#2 is a little too forward, with you on that one, totes.

what's wrong with them (in my opinion, don't know about Magdlyn of course) is that I like a first message to at least acknowledge that the person messaging me, read my profile. The ones quoted here can be copy paste ones that these guys send 50 times a day. It shows no effort that they would want to gt to know me.

nycindie

11-14-2012, 03:03 AM

This morning I found msgs from 3 guys, one on Fetlife, 2 on okc.

Fetlife one:
Hi
How are you my name is S___ I like your pic n profile and would love to chat witth you Please check out my profile and if it interest you i would love to hear back
Thankx
S___
Ugh.

From okc:
Great profile... you're a really sexy woman. I'm quite attracted to you, any interest in chatting?
Duh.

hey saw your profile, i'd like to get to know you
Blech.

When men on here say they can't meet women, I HOPE they aren't writing first messages like that and expecting any response.
Not to be a typical dude about it, but what's wrong with those? (#1 and #3) Yeah I'll agree they aren't terribly creative but I don't see anything overtly wrong with them.

#2 is a little too forward, with you on that one, totes.

Well, the obvious glaring issue is that none of them indicate that they actually read Mags's profile at all. It is not enough to say you liked someone's profile, pick out an item or two from it and comment on it - it's called starting a conversation! That's what makes all of them look like form letter messages that they copy and paste and send to everyone - they probably blast everyone with the same crappy note.

Furthermore, they don't share anything about themselves! AND the first one would turn me off even more because he sucked at spelling and proofreading. Make a good first impression, for crap's sake!

The second one only indicates he finds Mags attractive but nothing else, so it's doubtful he even read her profile at all. Seriously, would a woman jump at the chance to respond to a guy who's just looking at pictures and not trying to discern whether a person might be a match personality-wise? Substance, guys, substance is what women want!

And the last one sucks because it doesn't indicate anything at all, nothing about himself nor what appeals to him about Mags. WHY does he want to get to know her? Sheesh, just because he wants to know her, she should be all "oh great" and want to know him? And no punctuation or capitalization? Egad.

Such carelessness and narcissism. Blech is right.

I can't believe we had to spell it out for you, Helo.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

I received this message on OKC today:

Hi,

How are you? How was your weekend! I'm D____. How's this site treating you? I'm pretty new on here...

I consider myself sincere, thoughtful & yet aggressive, dominant & passionate at the same time.( if that makes sense!:)

I'm drawn to smart, mature, curvy, opinionated, strong minded Woman with a submissive & kinky side:)

Hope to hear from you...

Best,
D
And my profile clearly states that I am NOT into BDSM. <sigh>

ThatGirlInGray

11-14-2012, 04:27 AM

Thought of you all on this thread when I saw this: http://www.mandatory.com/2012/11/13/ok-cupid-an-exploration-into-just-how-low-some-guys-will-go

Not saying all guys on OKC are like this, but it was definitely a reality check about who might be out there!

Helo

11-14-2012, 04:56 AM

what's wrong with them (in my opinion, don't know about Magdlyn of course) is that I like a first message to at least acknowledge that the person messaging me, read my profile. The ones quoted here can be copy paste ones that these guys send 50 times a day. It shows no effort that they would want to gt to know me.

Well, the obvious glaring issue is that none of them indicate that they actually read Mags's profile at all. It is not enough to say you liked someone's profile, pick out an item or two from it and comment on it - it's called starting a conversation! That's what makes all of them look like form letter messages that they copy and paste and send to everyone - they probably blast everyone with the same crappy note.

Furthermore, they don't share anything about themselves! AND the first one would turn me off even more because he sucked at spelling and proofreading. Make a good first impression, for crap's sake!

And the last one sucks because it doesn't indicate anything at all, nothing about himself nor what appeals to him about Mags. WHY does he want to get to know her? Sheesh, just because he wants to know her, she should be all "oh great" and want to know him? And no punctuation or capitalization? Egad.

Such carelessness and narcissism. Blech is right.

I can't believe we had to spell it out for you, Helo.
I think you're both drastically over-estimating how much thought goes into these messages from the guy's perspective.

Like I said, #2 needs to be punched squarely in the dick just on principal and I will agree #1 and #3 are little un-creative but aside from that I don't really see anything so horribly atrocious that you cant bang out a ten second response. Considering how rare it is to get a response as a guy, I wouldn't be stunned if those are copypasta.

I just get irked when someone draws up an entire psych profile on another person based on less than a handful of information. #1 and #3 could very well be halfway decent guys who just aren't Shakespeare. The odds are somewhat against that possibility, I'll give you.

ThatGirlInGray

11-14-2012, 06:22 AM

I think you're both drastically over-estimating how much thought goes into these messages from the guy's perspective. No, that's the problem. They're estimating correctly how much thought went into the responses- none.

I don't really see anything so horribly atrocious that you cant bang out a ten second response. Considering how rare it is to get a response as a guy, I wouldn't be stunned if those are copypasta. It's like writing a cover letter for a job. If you put thought into it and make it specific to that company, your odds of a positive response increase. If you really want a response from me, then you have to show me that you actually want to get to know ME, not just anyone with a vagina. Why on earth should I waste even 10 seconds responding to something that generic??

I just get irked when someone draws up an entire psych profile on another person based on less than a handful of information. #1 and #3 could very well be halfway decent guys who just aren't Shakespeare. The odds are somewhat against that possibility, I'll give you. Fine, maybe they're halfway decent guys. Maybe they aren't narcissistic, just lazy. Doesn't mean I owe them anything, even a response. I'm still not gonna bother responding to every halfway decent message. Rather than wasting my time on those, I'll save my time and energy for those who actually pique my interest.

NovemberRain

11-14-2012, 06:24 AM

NovemberRain

11-14-2012, 06:26 AM

<wonderful things>

There's a reason I like you. :D

ThatGirlInGray

11-14-2012, 06:27 AM

Haha! I was just getting ready to say "JINX!" or "what NR said!" :P

Helo

11-14-2012, 08:30 AM

hullo Helo,
;)
I'm not drawing up a psych profile, I'm just saying to myself, well, he clearly hasn't bothered to get to know me (which he's indicated by not noting anything he read in my profile), and there's absolutely nothing there to inspire me to write back.

OKC, in particular, asks a lot of a profile. That I took the trouble to answer all that stuff, with thought and feeling, is gonna require more from a guy than an uncreative looks-like-a-copy-pasta message to get a reply from me. I don't feel any obligation to 'bang out a 10 second response.' That's not why I put up an ad. If he can't be bothered to try to present himself in the first message, why would I imagine he'll get 'better' later?
I totally see the wisdom in that and on some level I do agree with it...but then I start thinking about a young lady when I first joined OKC.

She was very nice but her first message was just terrible. It was two incredibly awkward sentences that must have been created by hacking up a dictionary, chewing it up with a swish of wood-grain alcohol, and spewing the whole mess out onto a page. Her profile also wasn't really that eye-catching and I just was completely uninterested but I was at that "first few weeks" stage that you're at when you want to respond to EVERYBODY.

I sent her a very quick message, essentially that I'm sure she was a great person but she just wasn't what I was interested in. She responded a few days later with a really heart-felt message which basically said that she had been sending out messages for weeks and gotten no response and that she was very happy to get a nice response, even if it wasn't of interest. She was just very appreciative and it made her feel a little more human to get a polite response.

Since then, I've endeavored to respond to every message I receive even if its lackluster. It takes me maybe a minute, costs me nothing, and it really does give the other person a good feeling. It also helps people not get burned out on the site or discouraged and like I said, it costs you nothing.

So I dislike just stamping REJECTED on lackluster messages unless they're really over the line. #2 is very close to that line.

opalescent

11-14-2012, 06:42 PM

Helo, that's a kind thing you are doing responding to folks who message you on OKC. Good on you. In an ideal world that is what everyone would do.

However...

In online dating, there is no obligation to respond back. Why? Well, think about how many messages you get on OKC in a week. Don't tell me - just keep that number in mind. Ok, got it? Good. Now you just became a woman - Hela.

Your messages just tripled. Oh you are young, able bodied, and conventionally attractive? Quadrupled. Photogenic? In a major metropolitan area? Interested in casual sex? BDSM friendly? Submissive? Add a order of magnitude increase for each. You can see how many women - maybe most women - get overwhelmed with messages. And even if you are none of these, you will still get more messages as Hela than as Helo. (Create a dummy profile just like yours but flip genders - it will prove the point.)

It is nice to respond but I am under no obligation to do so.

Finally there is the Law of getting with Opalescent - Thou shalt not bore me. These messages are dull. They tell me nothing about the sender - and give me no reason to find out more. Not being dull does not have to be exotic. I don't need 'I winter in Casablanca and summer in my apartment above the Louvre while pursuing my passion of miniature horses.' A simple I like dogs too and they did such and such funny thing recently is more than enough for me to hit 'reply'.

nycindie

11-14-2012, 07:01 PM

I think you're both drastically over-estimating how much thought goes into these messages from the guy's perspective.

Oh, so you're basically saying "we guys are all thoughtless and lazy and that's the best you can expect." Don't lump all guys into that category, because it simply isn't true. Any guy with whom I've connected via OKCupid very obviously put thought into his messages, wrote at least a paragraph or two, showed that he read my profile, and exhibited not only a sense of humor but intellect and an understanding of grammar and how to communicate. I have no desire to reply to or meet with anyone who doesn't meet those basic requirements. It would not even matter if he is very good looking or if our match percentage is very high, if he isn't smart enough to know he should make an effort to entice me.

Those messages Mags quoted sucked, pure and simple, and do not deserve responses.

Helo

11-15-2012, 07:26 AM

In online dating, there is no obligation to respond back. Why? Well, think about how many messages you get on OKC in a week. Don't tell me - just keep that number in mind. Ok, got it? Good. Now you just became a woman - Hela.

Your messages just tripled. Oh you are young, able bodied, and conventionally attractive? Quadrupled. Photogenic? In a major metropolitan area? Interested in casual sex? BDSM friendly? Submissive? Add a order of magnitude increase for each. You can see how many women - maybe most women - get overwhelmed with messages. And even if you are none of these, you will still get more messages as Hela than as Helo. (Create a dummy profile just like yours but flip genders - it will prove the point.)
Even if you're getting upwards of eighty messages a week, filtering out the sleazy messages and copypasting a basic "thanks but no thanks" takes a few seconds and it helps prevent the shotgun scatter type messages that are so common.

It is nice to respond but I am under no obligation to do so.
I never said you were but I think its better for people in general if you at least make an attempt.

Oh, so you're basically saying "we guys are all thoughtless and lazy and that's the best you can expect." Don't lump all guys into that category, because it simply isn't true. Any guy with whom I've connected via OKCupid very obviously put thought into his messages, wrote at least a paragraph or two, showed that he read my profile, and exhibited not only a sense of humor but intellect and an understanding of grammar and how to communicate. I have no desire to reply to or meet with anyone who doesn't meet those basic requirements. It would not even matter if he is very good looking or if our match percentage is very high, if he isn't smart enough to know he should make an effort to entice me.
I'm saying that a chronic mistake almost all people make is over-think what other people thought when doing something.

nycindie

11-15-2012, 07:46 AM

Even if you're getting upwards of eighty messages a week, filtering out the sleazy messages and copypasting a basic "thanks but no thanks" takes a few seconds and it helps prevent the shotgun scatter type messages that are so common.How does an answer to one person help prevent anything from anyone else?

Sure, I send a "Thanks but not interested" message from time to time, but even those go to people who put thought and care into their communication with me. Really, the abundance of messages that only contain "hi how r u" or "nice eyes" or "mmm let's chat" can be mind-boggling. Who has time or energy to send replies to people who are such obvious dead ends?

You don't seem to understand that answering messages like the ones cited does absolutely no good. We don't have to write back if we don't want to. And it goes both ways. I take my time and compose very thoughtful messages and, certainly, only a small percentage of guys I write to ever respond back. <shrug> No skin off my nose. And most of the people that write me get Blocked and Hidden immediately. It's a crap shoot anyway, not a big deal. You can't get your hopes up that anything will come out of it, but yet you still have to make a good, intelligent effort (it's called putting your best foot forward) and figure that if something good comes out of online dating, it's a rarity.

I'm saying that a chronic mistake almost all people make is over-think what other people thought when doing something.
Huh? I'm not sure what you're saying here at all.

Are you just defending guys who don't take the time to read profiles or write and proofread their messages, as if that is what they're all doing and no more should be expected? I don't get it. This thread is a hilarious goldmine of info on what not to do and what people look for in intro messages - have you read it from the beginning? There are some real doozies! Oh I have laughed hard reading this one. Yes, admittedly, it was created to poke fun at the eejits who send really lame or weird messages but I believe that somewhere here there is also a thread where we helped people to edit and tweak their profiles and messages, with examples of really good ones we've received.

Anek

11-15-2012, 03:21 PM

I got a super creepy message yesterday. Someone from 1600 km away and just 37% match. He mentioned severed limbs and stealing from his girlfriend in the first paragraph. But he showed that he had read my profile, looked for common interests, and wrote a message based on that.
So he got a response, which was about not being interested, but I appreciate the effort he made into writing a real message and "rewarded" it with a polite answer.

If he would have just written a "hi how r u" message, effort is zero and deserves zero effort in return. Even just a "thanks but no thanks" is more effort than what copy-pastying message writers expend. So why should I make more of an effort than they did in the first place?

Hint for first contacts: don't mention severed limbs and blood in the first message unless the person you are messaging expressed interest for these topics in their profile. It's creepy.

SchrodingersCat

11-17-2012, 02:20 AM

I don't receive these stereotypical introductions you gals all complain about. Nearly every message I receive is personal and mentions something specific from my profile. The frequency is better measured on a "per month" scale than "per week." Thus, I reply to all of them. I've received one generic message in the past year, suggesting I come over that night, to which I just replied "lol" and never heard back. Took me about 2 seconds.

Maybe it's the fact that my main picture is me wearing a tinfoil hat. Or maybe it's that I'm not your stereotypical "cute chick." Whatever it is, my profile seems to have a jerk filter.

Considering how rare it is to get a response as a guy, I wouldn't be stunned if those are copypasta.

I'm still not gonna bother responding to every halfway decent message. Rather than wasting my time on those, I'll save my time and energy for those who actually pique my interest.

How about just respond:

"generic response to generic greeting" and see if they catch on...

Emm

11-17-2012, 02:42 AM

How about just respond:

"generic response to generic greeting" and see if they catch on...I like it!

MeeraReed

11-17-2012, 04:01 PM

How about just respond:

"generic response to generic greeting" and see if they catch on...

I'm pretty sure they would not catch on...they would think it was an interested response.

You would have to be clearer: "This is a generic NO THANKS to your generic greeting."

BrigidsDaughter

11-17-2012, 06:53 PM

I have only received one well thoughout message on OK Cupid. The rest were from guys assuming that because I state I have a boyfriend and a husband and am looking for FEMALES that I want to have a gang bang or orgy. I've had several such requests in the month and a half that I've been on that site and the one guy who did send me a thoughful message was already dating my husband's ex girlfriend.

Tang

11-19-2012, 04:06 AM

and the one guy who did send me a thoughful message was already dating my husband's ex girlfriend.

Wow!

Just, wow!

nycindie

11-19-2012, 04:32 PM

This morning, I received this message at OKC:

Hi there,

I read your profile and would love to get to know you. I am Ivy educated, outgoing guy who likes to work hard and play hard. I also have high sex drive. Would love to get to know you. Looking forward!

He's about half my age and a 52% match with me. Apparently his Ivy League education did not do him much good.

Cleo

11-20-2012, 08:30 AM

here's another little gem...

"hello.i know is short message but i like to to ask you first about you like to chat with me."

BrigidsDaughter

11-21-2012, 03:33 AM

Wow!

Just, wow!

He's a pretty cool guy, but definitely just in my "I'd like to be friends" category.

BrigidsDaughter

11-22-2012, 12:36 AM

So today I got this beauty:

"hello there how are u miss"

nycindie

11-22-2012, 02:06 AM

Oooh, I got this one this evening, from a guy whose profile pic is one of those awful, distorted looking-down-at-the-glow-of-his-monitor shots:

wow what can i say u are so beautiful:) hi iam ricki

Well, gee thanks for reading my profile, Rick, and coming up with such an intelligent and compelling ice-breaker. Now, what can I say?

<sigh>

Cleo

11-23-2012, 02:30 PM

Can we talk about user names? Obviously I won't specifically give examples here.. But I'm having such a hard time taking a lot of them seriously.

User names that mention certain gender specific bodyparts,
Anything with something teddybear related in it. (there are a lot of those!)
Guys who are obviously not born in 1969, but who have the number 69 in their user name.
Names that mention certain sexual activities.
The ones that end in 4you.. or 4u.. ok they don't really annoy me but somehow do display a lack of imagination.

do you form an opinion based on the user name?

Helo

11-23-2012, 08:24 PM

nycindie

11-23-2012, 09:00 PM

do you form an opinion based on the user name?

Absolutely! I refuse to respond to any guy whose username ends in 4u or taco.

Petunia

11-23-2012, 10:06 PM

I like it!

Me, too! :D

Emm

11-23-2012, 11:49 PM

... or taco.What is the taco thing about? I noticed quite a few tacos in usernames but have no idea why they would be there.

snowbunnie

11-24-2012, 05:19 AM

I got a taco user name. I love it lol.

nycindie

11-24-2012, 01:22 PM

...or taco.

What is the taco thing about? I noticed quite a few tacos in usernames but have no idea why they would be there.

Well, I was always turned off by the taco ending because I know it is a slang term for pussy. I figured if a guy has "taco" on the end of his name, it's just as bad as adding "69" to their name, as a juvenile way of saying, "Oh pick me, I'm looking for pussy."

But when I posted about this on another thread here (or maybe it's this one, from way back, I dunno, LOL) I was told by another member that if you try to ask for a username and it's taken, OKC gives you choices (like when you try to get an email address), and some of the ones they offer will end in "taco" and "4u". Still, any guy who picks taco seems creepy in my eyes. And if they pick 4u that is just unimaginative and also a bit creepy, like they're stalkers just waiting "4 u." At least, that's the association in my mind.

Magdlyn

11-24-2012, 01:38 PM

Absolutely! I refuse to respond to any guy whose username ends in 4u or taco.

Now, "sushi" might be acceptable!

Helo, so since you've been defending the copy/paste first time greeting messages, are you guilty of same?

I know it's SO much trouble to look for a woman with a high match percentage, and then take 5 minutes to read her profile and another 5 mins to compose a message that references 2 items in her profile and how you share those interests or something, but goodness. If you want to get into someone's panties, or actually have a relationship lasting a few months (regular sex!), please, consider taking the time.

Thanks, Mags

Magdlyn

11-24-2012, 01:41 PM

My boyfriend, Ginger, has shown me his joke female profile, no picture, short profile... He gets messages every week, even from guys telling "her" she's cute, when there is no picture!

Haha, I am telling him about this thread and Helo's resistance to "what women want," and he said,

"Can't put out effort at first or she will expect you to put out effort later, or even in bed."

Aha! LOL

Helo

11-24-2012, 05:10 PM

Gods forgive me for trying to be nice to people.

snowbunnie

11-24-2012, 09:54 PM

O_O I had no idea taco was slang for pussy. I just like crunchy tacos from taco bell...

I got this message today.

Can we talk sometime ur very hot and i want to get to know u better

super original.

Emm

11-25-2012, 02:14 AM

Well, I was always turned off by the taco ending because I know it is a slang term for pussy. Thanks. It must be a regional term, but spreading since it's turning up on Australian profiles.

SchrodingersCat

11-25-2012, 03:07 AM

I had never heard a specific taco reference before this thread, but it doesn't take much imagination to put two and two together... Tacos have a certain shape... I don't know what the female version of phallic is, but...yeah... And you put meat in tacos...

SchrodingersCat

11-26-2012, 10:16 PM

"Shame you live in [snip]. We'd be intellectually, philosophically and emotionally compatible... And then there is the sex, of course."

Yeah, or not.

Curiosity always gets the better of me.

One of his answers is that yes, he would mind if his partner maintained an active profile on OKC. Sorry, we're compatible...how?

MeeraReed

11-27-2012, 12:59 AM

I don't know what the female version of phallic is, but...

Incidentally, it's "yonic," from the Indian yoni symbol.

That's what anthropologists call that taco shape, anyway...

acb2012

11-29-2012, 02:51 PM

I've pretty much given up on OKC for now. It was getting weird really fast. The two people who actually wrote more than a one sentance message like "hey ur cute hmu" turned out to be a bit odd. I don't know how to put my finger on it, but it was just very off-putting.

It kills me too, because I am pretty clear in my profile that I won't respond to one line messages. Yet, I get 6 or more a day. Ugh.

Oh well. I've been having one of those "feeling waaaay too busy right now to get out there much" moments. I keep trying, but I think I just kind of suck at online dating.

nycindie

11-30-2012, 02:27 PM

. . . I am pretty clear in my profile that I won't respond to one line messages. Yet, I get 6 or more a day. Ugh.

Maybe that's why they do it. Lots of people will automatically do that which they are told not to do, just to be contrary or rebellious, and to poke at someone. Take that sentence out and see what happens.

acb2012

11-30-2012, 04:54 PM

Maybe that's why they do it. Lots of people will automatically do that which they are told not to do, just to be contrary or rebellious, and to poke at someone. Take that sentence out and see what happens.

Yeah...I had it out for a long time. Still got those very short messages. So I guess it doesn't really matter if it is there or not! Oh well.... I have way way way too much going on over this coming month to even check my messages, let alone do much about them.

RfromRMC

11-30-2012, 06:57 PM

The really really short messages are becoming more and more common as people are used to a text & app-based world. Instead of using these sites as a personal ad that you read thoroughly then type out a well-thought response, folks these days (particularly males under 35) will just use it as an instant-message thing.

Keep getting crap like "hey ur hawt lol"
Well, thanks. "bored here, wassup"
"wanna hang out?". :rolleyes:

I'm like dude, this is okcupid not grindr. :p

Helo

11-30-2012, 09:20 PM

I'd like to see OkCupid institute a minimum word count for sending a message. Or at least have it be a requirement you can enable in your own profile; someone cant send an initiating message unless its over a certain word count.

acb2012

11-30-2012, 10:03 PM

snowbunnie

11-30-2012, 11:26 PM

Emm

12-01-2012, 01:52 AM

It's good in theory, but the result would probably be:

hey ur hawt lol

123456789 qwertyuiop[ asdfghjkl; zxcvbnm,. in a non-zero number of cases.

Helo

12-01-2012, 05:03 AM

It's good in theory, but the result would probably be:

in a non-zero number of cases.
I don't see why you couldn't code the filter to block that kind of message where most of it is just slamming your face on the keyboard.

Aduras

12-02-2012, 03:42 AM

You're cute, and I'm interested. What's your name?

I recently switched my profile over so guys could see me tooo and wow this is one of the better ones to be honest one I got recently was so crude it made me mad... (deleted it but gah)

Magdlyn

12-02-2012, 05:14 PM

This is excerpted from an article on Fetlife but is relevant to okc as well.

3. Why are you friend requesting me?

Holy crap, look at that totally hot picture! Are you instantly hitting the friend request button? No matter how hard your dick is, please take a moment to actually read the profile of the person you are friend requesting. Is she up for being friends with random Internet people? Does she have a Master who needs to approve the friend request first? Follow her guidelines and behave accordingly. Be respectful.

4. Why are you sending me a message?

Did you see the above about reading a woman's profile before friend requesting? The same rules apply for sending a message.

Can you imagine just walking up to a stranger in a grocery store and saying to her "yur hot. wuz up?" Would you be surprised if she gave you a weird look and then just walked away? Would you walk up to a stranger in a coffee shop and say, "slut, you're my bitch now and should get where you belong! On your knees and start sucking my cock!" Or throw yourself at her feet, crying "this slave is the scum of the earth, Goddess Ma'am, and eagerly awaits you to trample its balls!"

Sending a message to a stranger on Fetlife like the above is not all that much different. Please, for the love of kink just don't do it.

Newsflash - women tend to get lots of messages on sites like this. If the best thing you can come up with is "what's up" then you're not ready to send a message to that woman. If you're not already in a D/s relationship with someone, then sending them an explicitly domly or subby message is not appropriate. Especially if you send it to a woman and it isn't even her correct orientation! E.g. sending a dominating message to a woman who identifies as a domina or top.

If you want to be a cut above the rest, send a respectful, creative, and intelligent message that actually SAYS something. A tasteful compliment, a comment on a recent post she made, a question about a relevant fetish, whatever. If you don't get a response, brush it off and move on. Sending an additional angry message calling the woman a bitch for not responding isn't going to win you any points. Guess what? She may be busy, or offline, or simply not interested in responding. The fact that you sent a message does not somehow entitle you to a response.

Do not send the same mass message to every woman you can find in your area. It's obvious, and we do talk to each other.

5. Finally, to the Thoughtful and Not Annoying at All Guys

For those of you who already do all of the above, thank you for NOT being That Guy. You are a breath of fresh air, and if you're not getting laid now I hope you do so in the very near future.
And behalf of all the ladies on Fetlife, i'd like to wish you the very best of luck.. :)

BrigidsDaughter

12-02-2012, 09:22 PM

Do not send the same mass message to every woman you can find in your area. It's obvious, and we do talk to each other.

Absolutely this. I've been getting messages from a guy in his 50's who is looking to be someone's sugar daddy or daddy depending on the message. Runic Wolf's ex is getting the same exact messages. He lives somewhere in our area and sounds incredibly desperate. Especially since he puts his phone number in every message I get (and ignore).

The other thing I get is random friend requests. I am a member of a few different Dagorhir and other LARP groups, so I may not always recognize someone's handle. I politely send a reply to all friend requests asking if they can tell me where they know me from as I do not accept friend requests from perfect strangers, only friends and friends of friends.

CattivaGattina

12-03-2012, 04:11 AM

My most recent message was from the girl I'm talking to letting me know that she hadn't forgotten about me but that she's just been busy moving and doesn't want to type up a long message on her phone.

I'm really looking forward to getting to know her and at the least forming a friendship with her.

SchrodingersCat

12-03-2012, 09:53 AM

I have to admit, I'm guilty of a recent one-liner. His "You should message me if..." was simply "You remind me of the babe."

I couldn't resist the urge to reply "What babe?" even though it's a total cliche and not the first time he's gotten that... And come to think of it, a cleverly devious ploy to get people to message him...

But he replied almost instantly with the appropriate next response ("The babe with the power"), at which point I initiated an actual conversation.

MeeraReed

12-03-2012, 04:32 PM

ThatGirlInGray

12-03-2012, 05:52 PM

Haha! The love of Bowie is everywhere. Another message board I'm on has a loooong running gag about Bowie's pants. It's even involved cakes in the past.

acb2012

12-04-2012, 03:33 AM

Cleo

12-04-2012, 01:04 PM

"Hi, I'm looking for someone to mother me."

that was all.

uhm, no, thanks.

MeeraReed

12-05-2012, 02:24 AM

"hi, i'm looking for someone to mother me."

that was all.

Uhm, no, thanks.

lol

SchrodingersCat

12-05-2012, 04:08 AM

"Hi, I'm looking for someone to mother me."

"Try a nursing home."

JaneQSmythe

12-06-2012, 01:21 AM

So, after reading all about OKC here - last night Dude and I were talking about it and what it used to make the matches, etc. So I got on last night and started to make a profile just to see how it worked. I answered about 75 questions (focusing on finding the "poly" type ones and making them mandatory etc - tips I learned here), took a few tests, and filled out some of the "drop down menu" sections. I've added absolutely NOTHING to the profile yet, no text, no pictures, nothing.

Well, I got my first message:

Hey cutie **** here think u sound yummy wanna chat ,cum play? Wanna cum over tonight,hangout I'm in ***** area of (nearby city).

:rolleyes:

Anyway...
With even the small amount of info that I gave the site it did seem like it was doing a decent job finding profiles for me to look at - some interesting poly bi women not too far away that I could see myself messaging if I ever bother to finish putting the profile together.

Josie

12-06-2012, 05:42 AM

My very first message on OK Cupid went like this (I deleted it, apparently, so it'll have to be from memory):

Them: You look really lovely.

Me: Thanks! That's really nice of you to say!

Them: Well you do! Do you mind if I ask you something personal?

Me: Not at all, ask away!

(At this point I'm thinking it'll probably be something a little dirty/relating to casual sex, but there's no harm in letting them ask)

Them: Well my friend has this website, for porn, would you like to work for him?

*Jaw smacks keyboard*

Not what I was expecting in my first message.

Helo

12-06-2012, 07:15 AM

Them: Well my friend has this website, for porn, would you like to work for him?

*Jaw smacks keyboard*

Not what I was expecting in my first message.
Personal boundaries. We needs them.

Cleo

12-06-2012, 12:30 PM

"Hi, I'm looking for someone to mother me."

that was all.

uhm, no, thanks.

forgot to add my reply: "I don't have kids, and I don't want any."

Got another nice one today:
"Wanna come to Italy? I'll show you what a really good cappuccino is!"

I'm about 4 countries removed from Italy, and mention in my profile I'm only looking to get in touch with people locally.

Magdlyn

12-09-2012, 04:56 AM

I got 2 messages recently.

"hey beautiful how are you? "

That, from a 22 yr old in Michigan. I'm in Massachusetts. His profile said he's looking for women 18-27. I'm 57.

Does he "deserve" a response?

Next message:

(verbatim)

"What'swwhats up gorgeous ngggggWhats up gorgeous?"

OK, he posted that from his phone app, but for goodness sake!

Does he "deserve" a response?

Helo

12-09-2012, 06:38 AM

I got 2 messages recently.

"hey beautiful how are you? "

That, from a 22 yr old in Michigan. I'm in Massachusetts. His profile said he's looking for women 18-27. I'm 57.

Does he "deserve" a response?
Speaking entirely candidly and with all due respect, if I were 57 and catching the attention of someone who was 22 and ostensibly looking for someone far younger than I the answer to that question would be FUCK YES!

I've gotten my share of freaks too; I got a message from a woman who, after some conversation, revealed that she was physically unable to achieve orgasm unless she was struck in the face. And I dont mean like a little slap, I mean full on closed-fist punch.

belleamore

12-09-2012, 09:05 PM

Here's one I just got:

"Nice!!!! You're super Cute (: and sound super Tubular ((:"

... what the heck? Tubular? Did we go back to the 80s and I missed it? XD

Magdlyn

12-09-2012, 09:11 PM

Speaking entirely candidly and with all due respect, if I were 57 and catching the attention of someone who was 22 and ostensibly looking for someone far younger than I the answer to that question would be FUCK YES!

You're joking, right? I get hit on by guys in their 20s all the time. However, perhaps you don't know that Michigan is, ohhh about a thousand miles away from me.

I've gotten my share of freaks too; I got a message from a woman who, after some conversation, revealed that she was physically unable to achieve orgasm unless she was struck in the face. And I dont mean like a little slap, I mean full on closed-fist punch.

Well, that's a BDSM fetish. I'm a bit of a "freak" myself. Altho I wouldnt want facial bruising... bruises elsewhere are nice souvenirs of pinches and bites and spanks for me!

Helo

12-09-2012, 11:19 PM

You're joking, right? I get hit on by guys in their 20s all the time. However, perhaps you don't know that Michigan is, ohhh about a thousand miles away from me.
This may be the overly-hormonal male in me but I have to admit to no small amount of curiosity to see your OkCupid profile.

Well, that's a BDSM fetish. I'm a bit of a "freak" myself. Altho I wouldnt want facial bruising... bruises elsewhere are nice souvenirs of pinches and bites and spanks for me!
I think that's stepping into paraphilia territory. I'm not averse to bruises (I seem to be one of the only people alive that finds hickeys sexy) but a full on right hook to the jaw as a REQUIREMENT for orgasm, even when its just you, something is very wrong in that situation,

"Freak" was an unkind and perhaps too hasty characterization.

nycindie

12-10-2012, 01:38 PM

Speaking entirely candidly and with all due respect, if I were 57 and catching the attention of someone who was 22 and ostensibly looking for someone far younger than I the answer to that question would be FUCK YES!

I also really hope you're joking. This statement makes it sound like 50-something women should be desperate. I am in my 50s, too, and I get messages from guys in their 20s a lot as well, but most of the ones who contact me do not interest me in the least, so I'm not about to respond just because they're in their fucking 20s. Geez.

Helo

12-10-2012, 02:27 PM

I also really hope you're joking. This statement makes it sound like 50-something women should be desperate. I am in my 50s, too, and I get messages from guys in their 20s a lot as well, but most of the ones who contact me do not interest me in the least, so I'm not about to respond just because they're in their fucking 20s. Geez.
Not at all. Simply that we tend to have certain age brackets that are "acceptable" to date within, socially speaking, and few people will venture outside that. If you find someone willing to, in a legal way, then that should be a positive thing.

nycindie

12-10-2012, 07:38 PM

. . . we tend to have certain age brackets that are "acceptable" to date within, socially speaking, and few people will venture outside that. If you find someone willing to, in a legal way, then that should be a positive thing.
The age is neither positive nor negative, and shouldn't be the reason someone says, "Fuck yes!" We still have to assess whether or not the guy is an asshole, didn't bother reading our profiles, wrote an intelligent note, etc. The 20-something guy who wrote Mags clearly wasn't paying attention if he's in Michigan and she's in Massachusetts, AND his profile says he only wants women up to age 27. Sounds like a moron to me. :confused:

Magdlyn

12-10-2012, 07:49 PM

Ahhh, people lie on okc all the time. Lots of young men seem curious to date an older woman, but don't come out and say that on their profiles, so they don't scare away the young women they might actually be able to breed with.

Also men lie about being straight. Seems most guys I have dated have themselves listed as straight, but are actually bi.

Me, I am not afraid to be honest about just what a freak I am! I've got nothing to hide.

So, no, I am not going to reply to a kid from Michigan 700 miles away just because he wrote me one line. I've got a cute little 35 year old female partner and a handsome horny 60 year old male partner, both of whom I love deeply and vice versa. A third lover would have to be very special, and very local.

My okc profile is "Magdlyn," just like here. Feel free to look.

Magdlyn

12-11-2012, 10:08 PM

This, from a guy, no picture, no profile, allegedly 38 from NYC, hasn't answered any Qs.

"hello, first before you delete humor me. you do seem quite vivacious. Im sure others have said that often on here. Sorry to add to your inbox. If you ignore the barrier we will vibe. or you can add me toyour book of boring dates. Where can I email my picture? Again, I know I may not be in your range yet you seem too lovely not to write"

I replied:

"Not only do you not have a picture, you have no profile. I may be vivacious and lovely, but what have you got to offer?"

All he had in return?

"I'm open to you hah where can I sent my picture"

sigh...

Next one:

"My name is X... i am new on here i came across your profile and it really attracted me, i will be very happy to know more about you. "

Umm, my profile is quite thorough, why don't you tell me about what in it attracts you in the first place? Sheesh.

Tonberry

12-12-2012, 12:35 AM

To discourage people from sending me too many sexual messages, I have no pictures on my profile and clearly state in multiple places that I'm only interested in friendship.

Despite that, the only message I ever received (only one, so at least the trick is effective) was: "Wanna have sex?"

I can only guess that the guy sent it randomly to everyone he could.

nycindie

12-12-2012, 12:35 PM

On Friday morning, I received this message on OKC:

just wanted to say hi, let me know if your interested

Ugh, I absolutely cannot stand it when someone does not use capitalization or punctuation, and doesn't know the difference between your and you're. BUT, he's an 83% match, so I thought I'd reply to see how he responds:
Well, you'd have to pique my interest first! How would I know if I'm interested with just a "hi?"

He wrote back:
I thought you might review my profile, i would think if you didn't like that, then you wouldn't respond. But you did, so maybe you are interested? Too deep for me. lol
happy friday, hope to hear from you again

Okay, so knowing how to carry on a conversation is too deep? I replied:
I haven't checked out your profile yet. I need to be enticed to do so...

How about telling me what struck you about my profile and prompted you to write? I'd like to know that you actually read the thing. And tell me something about yourself. I need something to go on!

I didn't hear back from him.

So, yesterday, I decided to actually check out his profile and I found these gems:

What I’m doing with my life
i don't know, why am i on here? First priority is finding a good woman, intelligent, healthy and attractive....Well it doesn't hurt to dream.

I’m really good at
Running, laughing, talking about almost anything

He's good at laughing... okey dokey. Claims to be good at "talking about almost anything," yet he doesn't know how to engage in a conversation! Hmm.

Three of his "six things I could never do without" are
females, there's always something beautiful about each one
fantasies
love/sex, hopefully together
:confused:

Then...
On a typical Friday night I am
trying to avoid the Friday night traffic, we can find something to do at home.
Woo-fucking-hoo. What a fun guy.
And:
You should message me if
if you read this far...especially if your interested in developing a serious monogamous relationship...please no long interviews, let's just meet for a cup of coffee. one more thing, if your really into money, or have a lot of it, i don't! lol

So, I wrote him again:
Hi again ___ - I visited your profile and see you are looking for a "serious monogamous relationship." Obviously you did not read my profile before contacting me, as I am not into exclusivity. So, we would not be compatible.

Good luck in your search!

Almost immediately, I get a reply which makes him sound so desperate:
HI, I THOUGHT IT WAS INTERESTING WHAT YOU WROTE, I WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW I'M RECONSIDERING THE MONOGAMY THING BECAUSE OF OKCUPID. NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SAY THAT, BUT THERES A LOT OF UN TO BE HAD ON HARE, MAYBE I SHOULDN'T TRY TO BE SO SERIOU. DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE? OOPS, ALL CAPS, NO TIME TO REWRITE..TTYL

Loser.