Your most recent OKC messages. post em here! [Archive]

clairegoad

06-06-2011, 10:44 AM

The one word post has already been covered. (Recently I got a message that said "Nice." That's it... No idea if he's commenting on my personality, boobs or grammar.

The one I almost responded to: "We have a lot in common and I wanted to say "hi"! I would love to chat sometime."

The prize for most verbose, and wrong target audience goes to: "Goodmorning..
How are you doing..l must confess,your profile has really captured my attention and i will love to share in the joy of your smile,in fact i want to get to know you if you don't mind.Wow, I like your striking smile, could surely make an angel with broken wings go an extra mile. I miss being in love and after staying away from the love scene for long time due to reasons I will tell you later on as we get to know more about each other, I have finally decided to give love one last shot. You might be wondering why I am writing to you with distance between us. I am looking for my soul mate and I will look everywhere in the world for her. You have got the spark and smile and that's the first thing I look for. I will be glad if we get to know each other and become friends.You never know we could become the next success story on here as good couples.If you like,you can reach me by messenger or email. Please let me know if you wanted to talk and I will share my info with you..
"

Paragraphs are your friends... I hope he cuts and pastes this... it sounds sincere, and would have worked 2 years ago on me... I just don't believe in "the one" anymore.

TL4everu2

06-06-2011, 12:50 PM

Wow Clairgoad....I'm a GUY, and I almost want to respond to that message! Hell, if a woman sent that to me....I would DEFINATLY respond to it! LOL But then...I'm a guy. ;)

One word responses, yes...I understand those and my wife gets them form time to time. She even got one a couple days ago and the guy was commenting on her FEET, and how he wanted to worship her feet and kiss them. Yeahhhh....Ummm...No. More power to those people who are in to that sort of thing, but....really? On the first e-mail?

Minxxa

06-06-2011, 02:10 PM

Too bad I've deleted most of mine. :)

However, the two that I remember were:

"You are very attractive. I would like to have the sex with you."

And:

"How many times have you cheated on your husband?"

I'm assuming the second guy thought I was cheating because I am listed as married.

I do not have a good response as of yet for those whom I am not feeling a connection with. How do you say "I read your profile and nothing stood out to me" without being mean?? There has to be a nice way of saying not interested, but I haven't found it yet.

nycindie

06-06-2011, 02:23 PM

I do not have a good response as of yet for those whom I am not feeling a connection with. How do you say "I read your profile and nothing stood out to me" without being mean?? There has to be a nice way of saying not interested, but I haven't found it yet.

You're not obligated to respond at all, but you can ask questions if their profile isn't giving you enough info. Or, if you feel you must just say no, you can just say, "Thanks for your interest. I've read your profile and don't have a sense that we're right for each other at this point. I wish you well in your search." Nothing mean about the truth when simply stated.

Then block them to prevent pestering you after that.

Minxxa

06-06-2011, 03:45 PM

I like that one, I'm stealing it! :)

the other really odd thing is when I'm on (normally just to check messages really quick once or twice a week), and somebody hops on and tries to chat with you. I guess that's normal, but I don't like it. Send me a message, let me check out the profile, If I'm interested we'll see. But I don't like "chatting" online with anybody I don't already know in real life. It's not a good way to meet people and to me it's like somebody coming to your house instead of calling first. I'm not a big fan of that either...

I am assuming there are a lot of people out there that enjoy passing their hours chatting with mysterious strangers. I am not one of those people.

nycindie

06-06-2011, 04:59 PM

. . . somebody hops on and tries to chat with you. I guess that's normal, but I don't like it. Send me a message, let me check out the profile, If I'm interested we'll see. But I don't like "chatting" online with anybody I don't already know in real life. It's not a good way to meet people and to me it's like somebody coming to your house instead of calling first. I'm not a big fan of that either...
Go into your settings and turn Chat off. Simple!

Magdlyn

06-06-2011, 07:17 PM

just3

06-19-2011, 02:59 PM

HAHA got up this morning to this one

Hmmm. So your husband likes to watch. Have you guys acted out this fantasy before? It doesn't get weird?

Chris

Jericka

06-19-2011, 11:33 PM

I got a message today from a 19 year old....*boggle*

I'm 42. There's not much on his profile to indicate any common interests. I really don't think I can do that kind of an age gap. Really. No.

The second message I got?
--------------
"I'm looking for some like-minded friends without playing games. You seem like a straightforward and interesting person. I'm not looking for a serious relationship but some that can have an oral discourse on more than one subject. I'm also a very creative person that has the flexibility to apply it to whatever I do. I have no interest in clothes or faction so women are very sunrise when I can give them advice on what to wear and such, from a guy and an, OMG, an engineer. I hate it when someone assumes because I am an engineer (architect really) that asthmatically-brain dead.

Well, enough about me. What about you.

Cheers,
"

---------------
My first thought was maybe I should submit it for him to Ihateautocorrect.com(instead of annalsofonlinedating.tumblr...or in addition to!)

I wondered whether he meant "oral discourse" the way it sounded. Personally I think people should be wary of the double entendre stuff. It often doesn't go over the way the writer thinks that it will.

"asthmatically-brain dead" What can I say?

No, I can't say that his message caused even a twinge of interest here.

TL4everu2

06-19-2011, 11:40 PM

OMG! Today, my wife got this message from a guy in Virginia. (We live in Flrodia)

I like to have casual sex a lot too; would you be up for a threesome, you, me and another woman? REALLY?Nothing in her profile says that she is looking for casual sex.

Her response: Where did u get that i am into casual sex? I am looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend not casual sex. Just cause I am in an open relationship doesn't mean I need more as far as sex goes. I personally wouldn't have even given him more than the block button. But my wife is nicer and prettier than me. LOL

transitapparent

06-20-2011, 01:32 AM

transitapparent

06-20-2011, 01:46 AM

OMG! Today, my wife got this message from a guy in Virginia. (We live in Florida)

I live in Va. but it definitely wasn't me. If anyone is more than 50 miles from me, I normally don't send a message unless they sound really really really interesting. I don't wanna drive that far lol.

TL4everu2

06-20-2011, 02:55 AM

I got one that said "you seem fun" not really sure what that meant. we sent emails back and forth for a couple days but when she found out I was married (it says it n my profile, shouldn't have been a surprise) she spazzed and that was that. eh well.This happens to me almost every time I get on that acts intertsted.....Either online....or in real life. :( As soon as they find out I'm married, they bail. Fuck em. If they can't handle it, tough I guess. They miss out on a decent guy who will do ANYTHING to make sure the women he loves, get what they need in their lives. :cool:

idealist

06-20-2011, 03:34 AM

The prize for most verbose, and wrong target audience goes to: "Goodmorning..
How are you doing..l must confess,your profile has really captured my attention and i will love to share in the joy of your smile,in fact i want to get to know you if you don't mind.Wow, I like your striking smile, could surely make an angel with broken wings go an extra mile. I miss being in love and after staying away from the love scene for long time due to reasons I will tell you later on as we get to know more about each other, I have finally decided to give love one last shot. You might be wondering why I am writing to you with distance between us. I am looking for my soul mate and I will look everywhere in the world for her. You have got the spark and smile and that's the first thing I look for. I will be glad if we get to know each other and become friends.You never know we could become the next success story on here as good couples.If you like,you can reach me by messenger or email. Please let me know if you wanted to talk and I will share my info with you.. .

I recognize this grammer and sticky sweet "too good to be true" bullshit. This is a scam artist. If you would follow up with him, you would find out that his wife died and he has a child which is ill and they are traveling away from home. After about 4 messages back and forth, he will ask you to send money. trust me......delete this loser.

nycindie

06-22-2011, 07:08 PM

Today's message at OKC from an old geezer in Indianapolis (I'm in NYC):
You are BREATHTAKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! Well, I'll give him points for enthusiasm.

Last week's messages at OKC...
This one from someone apparently losing his hair:
Hey how is everything? would you give me some of your hair when I will get trans plant? because I lose my hair day by day :) lol ok ok do not worry, you do not have to give me hair but I would love to meet you for a drink with nice conversation face to face :) with watching stars on the sky

Horseless Prince Serkan ;)
This from a guy responding to the caption under one of my pics where I say I love the satin shoes I'm wearing in it:
Hello , I wasn't looking at the shoes mmmmmmm
Tony
From another guy responding to the same picture:
Satin shoes? The demarcation from fishnet to skin is the real eye grabbing focus... For me that is.

Those were their entire messages to me. Nothing else. No attempt at conversation.

RfromRMC

06-23-2011, 05:27 PM

^ OK the hair one is a bit creepy! :eek:

Magdlyn

06-23-2011, 06:07 PM

OMG lol
Hey how is everything? would you give me some of your hair when I will get trans plant? because I lose my hair day by day lol ok ok do not worry, you do not have to give me hair but I would love to meet you for a drink with nice conversation face to face with watching stars on the sky

Horseless Prince Serkan

That has got to be the winner right there. He better get a horse and ride on back into the desert.

nycindie

06-23-2011, 06:19 PM

Hahahaha, yeah, no one's gonna run to make a date with that one!

nycindie

11-14-2011, 02:56 AM

I just logged in to OKC for the first time since about Thursday, three days ago. On Thursday, I received a message from a guy who claims to be poly although his profile doesn't mention it at all; he is listed as Married. I didn't feel that day like I had the energy to answer right away. I don't know if I'm interested or not, but I figured I'd check his profile again next time I log in and see if I wanna respond. If I do feel like I'm interested, I'd want to let him know that it's not just enough to say he's poly; I'd want to ask for some sort of proof.

I then forgot all about him and OKC all weekend. I was busy and then enjoyed Lively's company on Fri. & Sat. It's only been three days, no biggie.

Anyway, as soon as I logged in tonight, the little pop-up window told me he was visiting my profile, and then I get this message telling me that he sees I've visited the site since his last message and would appreciate me telling him whether I'm interested or not. He worded it with lots of attitude. Sheesh, it's only been three fucking days. Nervy.

vanille

11-14-2011, 06:07 AM

"You have beautiful skin."

That was it.

opalescent

11-14-2011, 01:37 PM

From POF:

Guy: r u bi?

Me: Yes. (I broke my own rule of not answering short messages but I was curious how he would respond.)

Guy: let's u n i hook up!!!!!!!!!

Me: [blocks Guy]

People are funny.

marksbabygirl

11-14-2011, 09:54 PM

I recently recieved a message that said:

:)

That's it. Just a smiley face.

I sent one back :p

aronf13

12-02-2011, 07:59 PM

I had a conversation with somebody i met on there who I really connect with and we were having a conversation about monogomy vs polyamory...I think there was an undertone that i was trying to convince her to be poly and she was resisting loll. It's actually kind of a bummer because I really like her and we connect on really deep levels :(

(6:21:28 am)aronf131:space is super important for boundaries
(6:21:36 am)aronf131:finding the right level of time you want to spend with eachother
(6:21:40 am)aronf131:and compromising that
(6:22:10 am)aronf131:sometimes one person wants to spend more time than the other person
(6:22:25 am)to_jenn:yeah there needs to be a balance
(6:22:28 am)aronf131:but understanding it doesn't necessarily mean that means one person loves you more or less
(6:23:10 am)to_jenn:i don't know i guess i'm just idealistic and want these things to be mutual
(6:23:27 am)to_jenn:i feel like there will always be tension if one person wants more than the other can give
(6:23:33 am)aronf131:thats why i'm poly, if one relationship can't fulfill all my needs getting malcontent is inevitable, if one person doesn't wanna spend as much time with me or i don't wanna spend as much time with them that's okay, we still connect with what we have
(6:24:11 am)aronf131:i have an opposite understanding haha
(6:24:50 am)aronf131:it's harder to balance perhaps, but so is monogomy just in different ways, all depends on what your core beliefs are i think
(6:25:28 am)to_jenn:yeah i think so
(6:25:50 am)aronf131:it's so hard to achieve mutuality don't you think though?
(6:26:03 am)to_jenn:yes for sure
(6:26:03 am)aronf131:like have you had it in any of your past relationships?
(6:26:08 am)aronf131:i've never had that
(6:26:10 am)aronf131:maybe moments
(6:26:12 am)aronf131:but fleeting
(6:26:19 am)aronf131:love is fleeting :(
(6:26:28 am)to_jenn:what kind of mutuality?
(6:26:36 am)to_jenn:like feeling love for the person?
(6:26:49 am)to_jenn:yes definitely
(6:26:53 am)aronf131:and you can't try to fit it in boxes that it's meant to, but everyone always wants to
(6:27:12 am)aronf131:i mean whatever you meant - wanting eachother equally
(6:27:33 am)aronf131:boxes it's not meant to*
(6:27:33 am)to_jenn:yeah i think i've had that
(6:27:51 am)to_jenn:the mutual desire
(6:27:59 am)aronf131:that's wonderful
(6:28:04 am)to_jenn:of course there were external circumstances that prevented us from seeing each other as often as that
(6:28:10 am)to_jenn:but yeah
(6:29:01 am)aronf131:sometimes i feel like i can be so many different things, and i'm always different people depending on who i'm with
(6:29:37 am)to_jenn:i feel that way too
(6:29:40 am)to_jenn:always adapting
(6:30:08 am)aronf131:but it's sooooo useful for navigating
(6:30:23 am)aronf131:that's good, being adaptable is soo important
(6:31:08 am)aronf131:or just growing up, learning to accept wherever your experiences lead you, letting go of atttachment and fear
(6:31:27 am)aronf131:but so many sides need expression, and on deep levels, not on the level i could achieve with friendship
(6:32:14 am)aronf131:my ideal is living with a group of lovers haha
(6:32:25 am)to_jenn:ah wow
(6:32:28 am)to_jenn:that would be interesting
(6:32:50 am)aronf131:commune where we're all open and honest and communicative and different needs being met by everyone so that we can express all sides of ourselves
(6:33:16 am)to_jenn:that sounds pretty amazing though
(6:33:21 am)aronf131:I KNOW haha
(6:33:51 am)aronf131:and like growing our own food living in nature haha
(6:34:03 am)aronf131:making music all day and art \o/
(6:36:58 am)aronf131:always pushing your limits always learning more about yourself
(6:37:02 am)aronf131:infinite growth
(6:37:06 am)aronf131:ahhh so amazing
(6:37:18 am)aronf131:to never stop developing always new situations
(6:37:39 am)aronf131:i don't blame you it maybe sounds a little intesne
(6:37:43 am)to_jenn:i don't know, i can't say it even appeals to me
(6:38:51 am)to_jenn:i don't know if it's just a set of conditioned beliefs and fears or these things are genuinely just not for me
(6:39:03 am)to_jenn:i lean towards the latter
(6:39:32 am)to_jenn:because i don't have like any negative reaction towards it
(6:39:39 am)to_jenn:i just feel indifferent
(6:39:54 am)aronf131:negative reactions is a sign of fear for sure
(6:40:02 am)to_jenn:yeah
(6:40:20 am)aronf131:i never had fear against it though
(6:40:38 am)aronf131:i just had so many difficulties with relatoinships and i always feared i always would
(6:41:50 am)to_jenn:yeah i've been there
(6:41:51 am)aronf131:it was the answer for me
(6:42:03 am)to_jenn:that's great
(6:43:57 am)to_jenn:i think i've always been a hopeless romantic type
(6:44:26 am)to_jenn:and i don't feel like giving that up yet
(6:44:45 am)aronf131:wordd
(6:44:54 am)aronf131:i hope you find what you're looking for!

*(walks away sad)* :(

Somegeezer

12-03-2011, 03:40 PM

Aronf, don't be sad about it. You've obviously been having a lovely chat with this person. Perhaps a great friendship could bloom out of it? No need to give up ia conversation with someone you get on with, just because you may not become lovers. That's a silly idea.

nllswing

12-03-2011, 03:57 PM

nycindie

12-05-2011, 03:11 AM

Hey Aronf13, was that the actual username of the person you were chatting with on OKC? If so, did you get permission from them to share the chat transcript and reveal their OKC username here? All of us here who have shared actual messages have been careful not to reveal who sent them. Everything posted in this forum comes up in Google searches, so let's all be careful.

SourGirl

12-05-2011, 05:56 PM

Below is a message I recently sent:

Gosh, we are so, so different!

You have an interesting profile, which is not surprising provided that you are an artist. Too bad that guys who are on the science side can't make such interesting photos. In any case, I have been told that I have intelligence and sense of humor; not sure about the hotness part though.
Here I am looking for new friends. Among other things, I can entertain friends on things like science, law, languages (I know a few), foreign literature unheard of, and pretty much anything you throw at me.

If you are interested in making friends, let me know :)

P.S.
You have an interesting nickname. While I have spent a bunch of years on things that sound like "chemistry" I had to look it up. The fist thing that came in mind when I saw it was "Saracen."

The answer I got is below:

Since you offered perspective to me on a different thread,( and seem to be trying to figure out how to approach women,..) I`ll offer you some perspective here.

Your reach out,..is one that would bore me, if I was the woman. Why ? It tries too hard to find common ground. I am a 'happenstance' type of person. Common ground just has to be there, like a light-bulb going off, and conversation flows easily.
It can`t be led, or forced. I can`t speak for other women, but I detest, someone trying to lead me into conversations, and then direct them.
When someone does that, I immediately know they they are ready to gear themselves towards what might appeal to me, rather then letting nature dictate likenesses.
Any communication is then built on this faux-platform of catering to what the other wants to hear.

I am not picky either. I don`t expect people to blow me away with their credentials, nor be awesome with grammar. I don`t ignore people based on being bored. I would respond to that message, but I most likely would say;

' Hey thanks for taking the time to reach out. I don`t really see any true common ground between us, but I wish you well on your search.'

I`ve not had anyone tell me to go fuck myself, after having said that, but have had people try and push the issue, saying I didnt give them a chance. I`ve said my peace at that point, and don`t get into a debate.

'True' common ground happens (in my mind) when you read a profile and they might mention a very particular restaurant, book, concert etc, that you liked, enjoyed, or saw. Maybe they have a expression that you use also. Whatever.
That 'light-bulb' happens, and you can't help but share.
It does not mean you have 'high match percentages' nor even a whole lot of similiarities.
It is merely a starting point that will either grow, or die-off of its own accord.

Disclaimer : I may be a chick of a different feather, ftr. I tend to do the approaching, rather then wait to be approached.

nllswing

12-05-2011, 11:25 PM

SourGirl.

Thank you for the suggestions and for the advice. There is nothing I disagree with. What you say makes sense, including the disclaimer.

With the message we are discussing, though, the situation was slightly different. Her profile offered nothing I cold pick as a specific common ground, unless we were to make the link too attenuated. For this reason, what I wrote to her was an attempt to invite her to find something in me that would be of interest to her. People are not interested in "similarities' only. It did not work.

To others, whose profiles offered specific information in which I could sink my teeth in, I wrote different messages with the same success.

Thant being said, I was a bit imprecise in my messages in the sense that one woman did answer, two weeks after I wrote to her, and we have been exchanging mail once every few days. She is openly poly, but I don't feel sexually attracted to her. She is an interesting person, though, and I hope me make friends. My original message to was similar to those sent to others.

PipeDreamer

12-06-2011, 10:21 PM

I am listed as straight and looking for women on OKC. I got an unsolicited message from an uber right-wing conservative Christian anti-gay marriage man who lives 9 time zones away (probably found me through my wife's profile). His message to me said this:

"Grow up into a mature man"

I responded asking what caused him to send me a message. Maybe I can get some interesting and constructive conversation out of this. I can't say I am going to hold my breath, though.

nllswing

12-07-2011, 12:51 AM

I just got a reply! Yeah! Below is what I wrote, followed by the answer.

Hi [Redacted],

Since I keep checking your profile every once in a while, maybe I should just send you a note. Your face reminds me about something but I am not sure what.

I recently moved to the city and I'm still in the "kid in a candy store" stage. While work is getting in the way, I love exploring and keep trying to reserve time for it. In 2008 I spend a summer here as well, and was fascinated by the antique shops around 25th with the storekeepers complaining that eBay ate their lunch. Time flies.

What events in NYC you have in mind when you talk about dancing? I enjoy dancing too.

[Nllswing]

She answered a day later:

Hi please don't take offense. I have decided to tell you that we are not a match. No need to contact or view me anymore. don't take it personally.

-------------

nycindie

12-07-2011, 01:08 AM

Hi [Redacted],

Since I keep checking your profile every once in a while, maybe I should just send you a note. Your face reminds me about something but I am not sure what.

I recently moved to the city and I'm still in the "kid in a candy store" stage. While work is getting in the way, I love exploring and keep trying to reserve time for it. In 2008 I spend a summer here as well, and was fascinated by the antique shops around 25th with the storekeepers complaining that eBay ate their lunch. Time flies.

What events in NYC you have in mind when you talk about dancing? I enjoy dancing too.

[Nllswing]

Your face reminds me of something, but I don't know what??? I would rather my face remind you of someone, not something that you can't figure out. No one likes being compared to inanimate objects, unless they are beautiful works of art.

To be honest, for me, that message comes off as a bit of a form letter, up until you ask about dancing. It would not draw me to you at all, sorry to say. That middle paragraph, kind of impersonal.

nllswing

12-07-2011, 01:15 AM

I agree with the face comment, I did not think about this when I wrote it (too late now).

I put the middle paragraph because she wrote in her profile that she likes to shop for antiques in Manhattan. Does this change anything? If not, I need a letter-writing trainer.

nycindie

12-07-2011, 01:40 AM

I just received a message on OKC which totally charmed me. Unfortunately, he lives too far away from me. But everything about his message and profile makes me wish that were not the case. Indeed, he's a 90% match.

What did I find charming about his message? Hmm...

First paragraph: He started off with a reference to something I joke about in my profile, by making cute & funny comments about it. He then tells me he is in an "ethical polyamorous relationship" and would be happy to introduce me to one of his partners, who is also on OKC. This is a second reference to my profile, where I say that I am not interested in married men who are not in ethical poly relationships (I was getting propositioned by lots of cheaters for a while). He's unmarried but it's obvious that his statement was a response to what I'd put out there, and so I know he read my profile, or at least the section down at the bottom.

Next paragraph: He tells me I am "clearly a beautiful woman" and that he loves my hair. Then he says he just reminded himself of an old song by saying that -- and he added a line of lyrics. That was sweet! He then tells me that my shape "works for him" and remarks how he doesn't understand the notion that for a woman to be beautiful, she must "resemble a stick figure." This whole paragraph also references items I talk about in my profile - my hair and my curves. And it was all expressed directly but very respectfully.

Last paragraph: He says that the "real reason" he wrote me is because he likes my "turn of mind." He states that the quotes I have in my profile "resonate" with him, "especially the poem." He then tells me that I am "obviously very bright" and sees me as "capable of engaging the world" on my terms. Because of this, he says, he thinks we can be good friends.

His closing talks about us being "geographically challenged," but that he hopes I would like to be a penpal.

The message made references to my profile or pictures all the way through, and so it felt personal. He referred to me as a woman, not a girl. As a man in his early 60s, he came across as breezy, confident, and playful. Even though he gave me compliments on my appearance, those comments weren't cheesy and didn't seem calculated at all. He made it clear that he was mostly moved by my intelligence, which he thought was evident in some of the things I wrote in my profile. His writing flowed naturally, like a conversation. Charming, charming, charming.

Somegeezer

12-07-2011, 04:49 AM

Sounds like a fairly nice fellow, Indie. =] I try to avoid comments on appearance in general when I send messages. Even if this woman is stunning, I just wouldn't know how to put it in a way that didn't sounds like cheese. =P So I stay away from making comments like that in my first message.

I seem to get a lot of response from commenting on things within the profile though. Say they mention a band I like, and I can comment how I once saw them, or that they play an intrument or computer games, to which I can ask a question, such as "how long have you been playing? What was your first instrument/computer game?"

In the past few days I've been talking to someone whose whole family is in a third generation of computer nerds. =]

Even better responses if I manage to make some kind of witty joke on something within the profile. But just like the appearance comments, if you aren't good at making a joke, you could easily offend a lot of people by laughing at their profiles. >.< The best way I find is to joke about something they have already joked about themselves.

There was one who had a comment in the "anything personal you will admit" or whatever that section is called. It said "I am NOT Batman... Actually I am, but had you fooled right?", to which I added in the message something like "You really had me thinking you weren't Batman then. I'm such a fool! =[". It managed to get a few messages back so far. =]

nycindie

12-07-2011, 05:24 AM

Sounds like a fairly nice fellow, Indie. =] I try to avoid comments on appearance in general when I send messages. Even if this woman is stunning, I just wouldn't know how to put it in a way that didn't sounds like cheese. =P So I stay away from making comments like that in my first message.

Yeah, I have gotten those cheesy ones, too. "Hi, you're really hot." Ugh. This man said, in a very gentlemanly way, "You are clearly a beautiful woman and I find your hair striking." Basically, he said it because he was responding to my profile. Not that I ask people if I'm beautiful (gawd!), but in the section for The First Thing People Notice About Me, I talk about my silver hair, and how I turned gray in my 20s, stopped dying it brown a few years ago, and never expected such a positive response.

So, in the very least, his words showed me he was paying attention. There have been guys who tried that and failed miserably because they did sound cheesy, phony, and calculating, not genuine. I'm not sure how I can explain what was so different and charming about this one. I think showing me that he didn't just skim through my profile, but actually read it and something clicked, must have something to do with it.

Aisling

12-17-2011, 02:05 AM

Just got this one -

"Could you suddenly get 10 to 15 years older ?

Damn.

Your advert described my ideal woman.

Go well."

Made me smile

Magdlyn

12-17-2011, 03:10 AM

That's ageist tho, unless you're like, 16 or something.

Somegeezer

12-17-2011, 05:54 AM

Seems they are certainly missing out on an opportunity, if they really thought only your age was in the way. I agree with Magdlyn about the unless your stupidly young or something. I'm only nearing 20 myself, but wouldn't knock getting to know someone, just because they were 35, or even older.

hyperskeptic

12-28-2011, 03:47 PM

I've decided to leave OKC . . . again. This is my second go-around with the site, and I think my separation from it may be permanent.

I deleted all content from my profile, and posted a parting thought:

I'm leaving soon, but am leaving my account up for a short while longer.

In the mean time, a parting thought, by way of explanation, from "How To Be a Poet (to remind myself)" by Wendell Berry:

Shun electric wire.
Communicate slowly. Live
a three-dimensional life;
stay away from screens.
Stay away from anything
that obscures the place it is in.

Now, I've been on OKC (this time around) for a few months, and have received no messages at all . . . until I posted that I was leaving. Then within minutes I receive this, from a woman whose profile indicates she has recently married:

Congratulations! Maybe now would be a good time to delete your profile and show your wife you are dedicated to her.

I wrote the following reply:

(Had you read my profile before, you'd have seen that my wife knows I'm on here. She is, too. We are committed to one another, but not to the exclusion of other relationships. Yes, it's unconventional, but there it is.)

. . . then blocked her.

Magdlyn

12-28-2011, 04:47 PM

Congratulations! Maybe now would be a good time to delete your profile and show your wife you are dedicated to her.

LOL

I got a good one on Dec 13

Hello there! I never use this site but I could not help but say hello when I saw your profile. You seem very interesting, I have many of the same interests, eclectic music sort of stuff. I love jazz and hip hop myself; my life passion is poetry. I am in [my city] and study literature. I see you are "looking for" individuals of a slightly younger age, 25-40? I fall shy of the range at 23 (well, in February I will be) but perhaps we can spark a conversation if that isn't a dealbreaker? Have a pleasant day!

And so I wrote back. His 2nd msg was even better.

...My interest is piqued due to your photos and the fact that you are interested in younger men. Very piqued.

You say in your profile you are intruiged by the goddess mythologies/religions? They interest me too, though being male perhaps influences my bias toward the warrior mythologies. I feel like most of the theological systems we have now are half-and-half, usually with the paganistic fertiltiy superceded by warrior values, no doubt because the fertility/goddess culture was invaded by the battling/warrior culture. How well they combine them is a key to their interesting-ness, for me. Christianity isn't graceful with it, between the Virgin Mary and the proselytizing Truth that is Jesus. Hinduism is graceful, with Krishna and his consort Radha being the self-concious unity of the two forces, male and female. And of course, the ancient Greeks did it best, embodied in Pallas Athena, herself a virgin warrior.

Anywho I could rap all day about these things, let me cut to the chase. I am interested in sex with you. I fully am attracted to older women. Your posted photos, show a voluptuous body that really excites me sexually. The fact that your hair is gray is hot because it shows you are comfortable with your naturalness, and I love that sort of confidence. Young women rarely, if ever, are ok with themselves like that. In short I am attracted to you and am extremely interested in your sex.

I apologize for the lack of photos; I have some on another computer, I'd be happy to send some to you at a later date. I am not trying to dick you around in that regard (as it were), I am admittedly a tad shy but I am not trying to be deceptive or elusive, at least not privately. So, if my catharsis hasn't frightened you, I hope to hear from you soon. Tell me about yourself, I am quite sick of focusing on me these past paragraphs. How long have you lived in [my city]? I see you're well-traveled, why the hell do you choose to stay here? What are some of your favorite literary and/or theological ideas? & suchlike etcetera. Hope to hear from you soon!

*swoon*

AutumnalTone

12-28-2011, 09:23 PM

I received a message about a week ago that opened with this:

"Poly Pagan & Weird? SIGN ME UP! ...."

She had my attention completely from the outset. I responded and we've traded numerous messages. We have a date sometime next week (the specific time yet to be decided).

marksbabygirl

12-29-2011, 06:05 PM

First message: hi u wanna meet
My response: Hi. You have nothing in your profile... don't know that we have anything in common... I don't meet people I know nothing about..
Next message: aw common we could probably have fun
My response: Yeah, no. Did you read my profile? Cause I think you missed some parts if you did.
Next message: common u know u wanna hav fun
My response: Not interested
Next message: honey come on dont u want to play
My response: NO

Aaaaannnndddd blocked.

He had a blank profile.

I have a profile that clearly states I'm not looking for casual sex or a fuck buddy.

*sigh*

On the other hand I'm communicting with a cute redhead who I may meet in Jan at MVK :p

nycindie

12-29-2011, 10:27 PM

I received a message about a week ago that opened with this:

"Poly Pagan & Weird? SIGN ME UP! ...."

I'm going to use that (citing whatever adjectives apply to the recipient of such cleverness).

RfromRMC

12-30-2011, 10:28 PM

Aaaaannnndddd blocked.

He had a blank profile.

I have a profile that clearly states I'm not looking for casual sex or a fuck buddy.

Hell, even if someone IS looking for casual sex or a fuck buddy, what you describe is a big red flag to stay away! :eek: I don't think I want someone like that even sharing the same sidewalk as me!

Breathesgirl

12-30-2011, 11:48 PM

You folks actually GET responses/replies/interest? I've been there for I don't know how long. I have plenty of people LOOK at my profile but I have had maybe a handful of people actually reply to something in my profile. I do more replying to other people's profiles & getting no response back than I do responding to anything coming into my inbox! *pout*

I get more private messages here regarding the Toronto meet and greet than I do on OKC about anything!

Not complaining, really, just wondering how come so many people (here and other places I frequent) get all these responses (welcome or not) when I get nothing!

vanille

12-31-2011, 06:36 AM

Him: Your profile is like an Abilify commercial, 80% disclaimers. I have a hard time believing you use the site. I've got a notion you are some kind of demographer. I first started using okcupid to write a story about it. But things got weird.

I could never imagine an open marriage. I bet a lot of guys will message you little critiques of your circumstance. You'll find a large number of sexually-repressed Catholics in this city.

And this brings me to god. I don't like to talk about it sometimes and now.

------------

Me: I don't get a lot of messages. I'm guessing that's due to the disclaimers. I keep em up just for that. No one has ever messaged me with a critique. Actually, some have messaged me wanting to learn more about polyamory.

Good thing I'm an Atheist.

-------------

Him: Well the notion of god serves a political function that I believe remains very real, American life's greatest contradiction. Contradiction because LGBT-run network television coexists with yuppie culture (*problematic). There is a Built to Spill line from 'Untrustable,' "god is whoever you're performing for / and god is whoever you perform for." Within this open definintion 'god' is family friends fucks social convention academia your mortgage your bossman. This 'network of gods' serves the same function as a god 'who acts in the world.' And I believe this network is more powerful than any external force could wish to be. So if atheism (to me) means withdrawel from social control, polyamory sensibly and naturally follows. I find some flaws in this last statement. Mostly polyamory just diffuses the influence of fucks...

-----------

Me: I can't say your message is very clear.

-----------

Him: Well I'm trying to say that belief in god or atheism is irrelevant since a god-function (the separate but equal mixture of culture, $, tradition, anti-tradition, and nihilism) is embedded in the fabric of American society. I know it's not clear and I'm not clear. I'll blame it on the inadequacies of language, but I know that's a cheap escape.

I try too hard with textual interface. The above treatise is proof. The term 'textual interface' is proof as well. I get started and I can't stop going into narcissistic digressions.

And why am I trying to talk to you about god??

----------

Me: Haha. I fear the act of trying to be clear prevents you from being clear sometimes if you try too hard. It's not uncommon. Or perhaps most Americans are dumbed down to the point that they can't understand anything with lots of words. I promise I'm not dumb, I just believe that I'm most clear when I speak as simply as possible.

I don't know. I took your first message as saying you don't like to talk about god.

I'm still left unclear as to your stance in polyamory.
---------

Him: It's not that I don't like to talk about god. My primary form of entertainment during my pre-collegiate years was deconstructing the Catholic ideal. I've just been having some issues facing my mortality lately. You know, the whole terrifying nothingness.

I'm not even clear as to my stance on love. My treatise on love is better prepared. It's all about meta-messages, intended messages and unintended messages. Begins with the Samuel Beckett quote, "All love is self-love." So I don't know my stance love.

--------

Me: Death reminds me that this life is but a moment that will some day be forever lost. It's a reminder how precious life is and how much each moment should be treasured. I do not believe in an afterlife. So I live and love as though this is it.

-------

Him: Is death a reminder to live without self-control or self-awareness? Do you believe man is a beast? What seperates you from the ape (don't take offense to this) in your nihilistic experience? Is the goal to live instinctively? Is love an instinct? Why am I asking so many questions?

-------

Me: I am a scientist. I don't think there is anything supernatural or special about being human. I don't think we are any different than the animals except that we drew the longer straw and get to be called "top dog". We destroy everything and rarely leave things better than we found them. In all that, death still reminds me that I am absurdly lucky to be able to experience any of this even if only for a brief instant. Is love an instinct? Well I believe in biology and psychology. So I think there are biological things going on when we are attracted to someone. As for why we call it love and choose to stay with them - well that's psychology and sociology. I don't believe love is some unknowable thing that is bigger than we can ever imagine. To me, it's chemicals and sociological events.

vanille

12-31-2011, 06:38 AM

By the way, I totally understand if that was a 'too long' didn't read moment.

Am I just really dense? I really find his messages bizarre.

Edit: oh one more!

Him: omg

----------

Me: omg

---------

him: you are flippen hot!!!!

nycindie

12-31-2011, 07:07 PM

I do more replying to other people's profiles & getting no response back than I do responding to anything coming into my inbox! *pout*Me too. I get lots of peepers who never answer me, and some real klunkers who send me stupid messages, but once in a while an interesting conversation and some possibility.

NovemberRain

12-31-2011, 07:26 PM

Somegeezer

01-01-2012, 08:35 PM

Vanille, I read the whole thing and found it fascinating. I agree, his message are quite bizarre. Many otherwise intelligent geeks are not great with either written word or communication in general. That feels a little beyond that though. I admire you for continuing ~ I wouldn't have. :D
Ain't that the truth. >.< Put me in front of a computer or musical instrument, I'll do some brilliant things. But make me write or throw me into a social situation, I feel so out of place.

I find it odd that a lot of the females are mentioning that they seem to have to do all the work to find people. I find it to be the opposite for me. In fact, I often come across profiles where their messages are so full, I can't even send one myself. I think the majority of females have an easy time finding people wanting to talk with them. Even if most of them are just terrible. =P

nycindie

01-02-2012, 01:21 AM

I received a message about a week ago that opened with this:

"Poly Pagan & Weird? SIGN ME UP! ...."I'm going to use that (citing whatever adjectives apply to the recipient of such cleverness).

Yay! I just used it! Only I substituted Artsy and Agnostic for Pagan and Weird. Hey, good stuff should be recycled.

nycindie

01-02-2012, 11:28 PM

Yesterday I got this very generic message from someone, not on OKC but at PMM:

"Looks like we would play well while exploring the energies and synergies. Looking forward to the possibilities. [his name & phone number]"

That was it. No mention of anything in my profile. Looks like we'd play well? I assume he is using the word "play" to mean sex. My profile very specifically states I am not looking for casual sex. Explore energies and synergies? Yeeecccchhhh! And then he actually includes his phone number as if I would run right to my phone and call him up! I wrote back: "What does that mean? Is that your standard form letter you send to everyone?" His reply:

"No form. Looked like we had some compatibility. Seeking to find out if there was some interest in seeing if there was real alignment or not. Was there something off putting?"

Man, he is full of cliches, but never indicates that he even read any of my profile, such as why he thinks we'd be compatible, which bugs me to no end. I wrote back why that was indeed off-putting and then I blocked him.

Addendum: The "poly, artsy, and agnostic" guy I mentioned having contacted (in my previous post) wrote back! He thinks my gray hair is sexy and likes curvy plus-sized women! He's not into casual sex and is looking for friendships first. And he's totally hawt, from what his pictures reveal. Hopefully there will be more to tell, eventually...

Magdlyn

01-03-2012, 03:34 PM

Addendum: The "poly, artsy, and agnostic" guy I mentioned having contacted (in my previous post) wrote back! He thinks my gray hair is sexy and likes curvy plus-sized women! He's not into casual sex and is looking for friendships first. And he's totally hawt, from what his pictures reveal. Hopefully there will be more to tell, eventually...

:) Is he in your city?

nycindie

01-03-2012, 03:39 PM

:) Is he in your city?No, not exactly, but he's very close by, and is in the city frequently. I have hopes for this one!

Magdlyn

01-03-2012, 04:00 PM

*fairy dust luck sprinkles*

Magdlyn

01-03-2012, 04:54 PM

Just got this one

hi im 24m looking for an older bi woman to strapon me. i have done this before

No profile, no pic. What a moron.

SchrodingersCat

01-06-2012, 12:34 AM

Hey there Sabariel

I read your profile and found it interesting. I'm hoping to find another four or five women just like yourself to form a family together with. I think from your description of yourself, that would be an environment you would thrive in. I'd like to by you a coffee or soda sometime. When are you usually free for meeting people?

Apparently "polyamorous" actually means I want to belong to a harem...

I replied:

Wow, really?

Ok, first. "My self-summary should be filled in with time." How about you start with that and then start messaging random women who happen to be poly, once we have the vaguest idea who you are, what your interests are (aside from houses full of vagina), and whether you're a real person with real interests and thoughts and feelings, or just some creepy rapist guy.

Second. So you get your own personal harem... What's in it for me? I assume you would expect me to stop dating the other people I'm currently seeing in order to join your household?

Third. Suppose I joined your "family" and then you meet a new woman and you'd like her to join, but when we meet, I absolutely hate her. Do you just drop her? Or do you expect me to suck it up and get over it, and move her in despite the tensions and anxiety that will create in the "family."

Lastly, how do you have any clue what kind of environment I would "thrive" in? Nothing in my profile implied that I'm seeking a poly household or even so much as a roommate, never mind a house full of estrogen and probably babies too. Would you expect me to make babies? I don't particularly like babies, and I'm pretty sure I would be unable to live in a house full of babies and small children. Actually, scratch "pretty sure." I would go absolutely bat-shit crazy living in a house full of babies and small children. Possibly to the extent that the authorities would need to be involved.

SchrodingersCat

01-06-2012, 04:45 PM

His reply:

Haha! "... houses full of vagina..." that was awesome!!!

And the "bat-shit" crazy comment was pure gold too... hey, you pick the girls you want in our "harem" ok. The baby thing is only when you feel the absolute need to reproduce right? No need to force that kind of thing.

And no dropping of girls right... this isn't survivor island where you vote off the most unpopular member of the cast or something. Said another way... don't you think it's sensible to expect some estrogen conflict in a poly lifestyle? I think that's just part of the lifestyle and nothing to be afraid of or worry about. It all works itself out.

I like your questions and you are VERY humorous. Sexy and smart is the way I'm going to describe you right now ... is that something you'll let me do for now? ;-)

Well, I am smart and sexy, so at least he got that part right ;) I'm enjoying playing with this guy. I guess that makes me cruel and manipulative, but somehow I don't feel bad about that.

I responded:

Well survivor is where you throw 12 strangers in together, and let them battle it out to decide who stays. If you were to throw 6 female strangers into a house, I think it would be far messier and more dramatic than any episode of reality tv. And you would be caught in the middle of it, and no matter what you did, you'd be "wrong" (with 6 women, you'd have absolutely no chance of ever being "right," somebody would always be mad at you).

But you're talking about building a family. And in any family that I'd ever want to be part of, I would expect a fair and equal say in who else is going to join the family. It's not as simple as "estrogen conflict." Some people just aren't compatible, especially for cohabiting. There are people I work with (as there are for anyone) with whom I don't get along. I tolerate them at work, I'm polite and courteous because I'm grown-up like that, but I would never join them for drinks or invite them to a dinner party, because I don't enjoy their company and I have no desire to become friends.

Just because two women are compatible with the same man does not mean those two women are compatible with each other.

I have to say, I find your entire proposition somewhat selfish and sexist. Do you expect all these women to be monogamous with you? Or would they be free to explore other relationships outside the family? The whole reason I'm poly is that I realized, years ago, that I could not be happy being restricted from exploring my desires. For me, polyfidelity is as limiting as monogamy.